your not pinoy you dont understand

Your not Pinoy you don’t understand is something I hear time and time again and not just people directing at me but from other foreigners. It varies in different degrees of the reason its used and at the same time I have heard from other foreigners if your marrying a Filipina don’t expect to be second or even third in line because her relatives will come first then the children then somewhere further down the line is you. If this is the case why are people complaining when there is bad husbands? treat the guy badly and wonder why you get the same treatment? The guy that is accepted as an ATM or a means to an end who not only embraced the Philippines culture and adapted to it in many ways is still just seen as literally nothing by the majority.. do you feel this way?

Its also been used as regards some conversations a friend of mine had with OFW’s in his town as they are all part of the same church. When they are living a poor mans dream. They work hard and are just keeping their head above water but the families back in the Philippines squeeze every ounce of money out of them leaving them tired and the near impossibility of developing a life in the UK. The time I have spent in the Philippines its very obvious that many have a culture of choosing not to work and often if there is an OFW or relative marry a foreigner many people simply will choose never to work again if given the opportunity. It has to be one of the major factors that lead to a divorce between a foreigner and a Filipino. But often I see the fact that people don’t need the amount of money they are requesting from abroad and most if gets wasted. I have only seen my wifes parents embrace the opportunity to a better future. I have spoken to a few Expats at the last gathering I went to and they had a frustration of wives relatives who wouldn’t work and refused to do so. As well as students who at some point dropped out of the education system after being sponsored and asked “are you sure you will complete the course if not we can use the money on something else”. The same topic ended up on another discussion which was “its not my money its Kano money” which is the assumption that people don’t see the money as theirs so this is why it leads to it just being frittered. Which in turn would come back to the “outsider” argument again.

So next time someone says you don’t understand your not FilipinoPinoy it might be worth noting how they see you and how or what your discussing came about. Because if its something that is exploiting your friendship or trust. Then say your right i’m not and you can use the argument from the other way round for example someone asking for money “I’m not Pinoy im a foreigner and in my culture if you respect it you wouldn’t be asking for money”. The under current of emotional blackmail is something that shouldn’t even be looked at but its often the reason people pull the comment out of the hat because there is no other justification for what is or has been done or happened.

0 comments for “your not pinoy you dont understand

  1. Alan
    April 10, 2010 at 9:54 am

    Boy , are you jumping on to the taboo topic wagon . 🙂 Unfortunately , there does seem to be a lot of this happening and chalked up to ‘cultural differences’ . We haven’t had that problem but many others i know have.

    An old southern US expression comes to mind . ‘You can take the girl out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the girl’ .

  2. Guy
    April 10, 2010 at 9:55 am

    I have made a statement way back on some blogs about the dilemma of the Philippine Mentality.

    People like me (OFW) are really not part of a solution but has become an unknowing part of the problem. I do indeed experienced hardship even if I live and work in the US but most people back home won’t even care about that. The normal thinking is, all OFW’s are rich and therefore all foreigners must also be rich.

    On that note, majority of OFW’s send some money back to the Philippines. In time this tradition of help has become a tradition of “must send”. It is in-fact mostly demanded of us. Not everyone but “mostly” everyone…. See more

    By sending money home for the last 20 years or even more, our political leaders has developed a sit-and-do-nothing approach in terms of finding out ways to create jobs for everyone at home. Why should they? They knew that when ordinary Pinoys gets tired of working for a hand-to-mouth job…they will eventually leave for abroad and then send $$$ back home.

    They (govt) do nothing and still gets a big cut of all the money being sent home. With regards to the relatives, they too develop the same ideas as their leaders.

    In another 50 years of sending out OFW’s, the Philippine dilemma will only gets worse with each generation.

    I am sure that some will disagree with my views but I speak from what I see as an insider and and outsider. I have totally “no respect” for anyone asking or demanding some money from anybody.

  3. John Turner
    April 10, 2010 at 9:56 am

    Interesting guys, a tough nut to crack, why do something if it’s not right, but many do. In fact we have the same problems right here in UK with some having a cradle to grave welfare mentality as long as they don’t have to work.
    Similar issue of a few abusing a privilige afforded to them by the compassion of others.
    I have no issue with my wife’s … See morefamily as they are amongst that smaller number who want the opportunity to make it for themselves and were already working hard with the minimal resources they had I merely became an assist to that process.
    Never have I been asked or pressured into anything but have chosen to help them as I would if my wife was English with a family not as well off as mine.
    That helping hand made out of care for others can easily lead to abuse from human nature thinking “Well why should i do anything if i can get it all for free”, personally I say that’s understandable but there is no satisfaction in what’s free only what you work hard to “earn”

  4. Matt Wilkie
    April 10, 2010 at 9:57 am

    Well said Guy your the first person who actually speaks out loud with the problem. I get emails from people talking of frustration and financial issues as well as close to marital break ups due to the “remittance” problem but they won’t speak out loud incase of offending others.. yet they don’t think twice on the fact they are living a life that is… See more little better than living in the Philippines in some cases the relatives are living a lot better a life because they have no need to work or worry about bills as the burden has firmly been dumped on the OFW.

  5. Matt Wilkie
    April 10, 2010 at 9:58 am

    I dont mind as things like “blood is thicker than water” etc. But a lot of the time you find the reason doesn’t match the topic. I can understand if people have strong loyalties from being brought up together in hard times but isn’t that relevant anywhere in the world that your kin in those hard times are your priority in life? But after marriage … See moredoesn’t that priority change and generally respected as “moving on” in life although obviously you would still be prepared to help those that helped you in your passed.. At which point I understand that completely but often the “your not pinoy you don’t understand” is used to explain things that have no real answer to why it was done accept often its something that is being done as a wrong doing and a reason to accept “as is” rather than to say the person was wrong..

  6. Matt Wilkie
    April 10, 2010 at 10:09 am

            I know exactly what your talking about and the benefit class in the UK are slowly dragging society down as the burden overflows. I have worked within social housing at various levels and found that the majority of people have no interest in working and on top of that the kids have the same mentality. The problem is as I discussed with someone who deals with mentoring while contracted at Brixton Prison is that a lot of the time success and achievment are often shunned upon or mocked. E.g. a good athelete at school is likely to be bullied for exceling at something rather than people embracing them as an athelete at their school and being proud that they are promoting the school in a good light. The whole system in the UK needs overhauling but lets be honest what politician is going to change what will be nothing more than political suicide for them?

    The same is seen in the Philippines but at which point will the nut crack.. what happens if the OFW cashflow stopped? what happens if the UK benefit system collapses and goes bankrupt.. We are building future generations on the belief its ok to burden others, its good to exploit for personal gain as everything else isnt our problem. But wouldn’t society be a lot better if it actually worked the other way round and we all took responsibility for everything that goes on in life? The littering in the street the graffiti on public walls, the fact that our neighbours are our friends and not just someone we say hello to once and a while.. life has become so displaced in so many societies these days.

  7. Philip Patrick
    April 10, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Employee’s cry to me they are having hard time, they have no money, their live sucks. I tell them ” I dont want to hear your pity story.” Your waisting my time.  I have told you stop giving all your money to your brothers, sisters, mother and father who wont work. Use that for yourself. If you have extra, then you can give them.  They start saying BUT < BUT,   I stop them and say dont want to hear your buts, and its your culture, and its your way.  If it is,  stop your complaining and stop your dam crying and accept it. If you want to give all your money away, then dont cry about it later.

    In other countries, mothers and fathers want better for their children then they had. They want to see their children prosper and not live the same struggle as they did. They wont take or ask money from that child, or relative. Here they want to use the excuse, its our way, its our hertitage, we are expected to do it. 

    Bottom line they dont care about the children, future, or anything. Its just excuses. Wrong is wrong, bad is bad, you cant make it better, you cant find words to justify it, it is what is. Most all Filipino’s care only for themsleves and what they can get from others, without ever thinking of the hurt and struggle they cause to those.

    Demand money, I have to give it, its expected of me to give it, I have no choice,  COMMON people. Thats just bull.  What will the family do to you, hang you, excutue you, pull your fingernails out….  Common, the worst is they get mad at you, and maybe dont talk to you.  BIG DEAL.  Has anyone ever thought,  IF they are going to get mad at me and disown me over me wanting to have a life of my own, and wanting to be successful,  do I really need those people in my life anyway……..

    Oh but they are my family, and its just our way….” your not a pinoy, so you wont understand”   OK THEN.  SHUT up your complaining, crying, trying to scam, trying to get someone to pity you, trying to ask for loans, free money, or take from a foreginer. If you give it away. Accept thats your life and stop the crying and complaining. I have no pity for you. Nor do i care.

    Its a endless cycle of distruction and proverty in which they is no way out,  UNTIL some stand up and say NO. I must live my life and start this family name out of our years and years of proverty. If they would understand that makes them a better person and more highly looked upon.  I have no respect for the others. They are just taking the easy road, and being cowards. If you really love your family and your sibilings. Dont give them. Make them have to work and earn. Make them be responsible, or LET THEM FAIL. 


  8. Matt Wilkie
    April 10, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    I originally wrote this post out of some frustration but its surprising the amount of people that have had to deal with all the same issues. Your right on your stance Patrick and its exactly the same way we are. We are lucky with some members of family though who work hard and are prospering with us. I think its also important that people can see change is possible and I have noticed locally a few peoples attitudes change as some of the things we have got upto have been pretty obvious in the improvements they bring. In the future I am hoping to get people to move more over to my way of thinking or as we are simply doing at the moment we just advance on without them. Im keen to help people develop business ideas if they come forward with ones that they will not only have the idea with but build it up and prosper. On the same note though I would expect a share in anything we invest in. Your frustration sounds worse than mine but I know you have been here a lot longer as well.. with anything that concerns us lately I am simply going to let things fall on deaf ears and blind eyes unless its directly affecting us and to be honest its likely to be fine but an arms length is always something that is needed to keep everyone happy..

  9. Andrew Swarbrick
    April 10, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    Hi Matt i couldnt agree more with you mate. This thing is like stall on the philippine future econemy thats why the busienss comunity has bene hammered over the last few years but yet GBP is still high nothing but OFW money, the country would collapst if OFW money stoped even for a month or two you would see people on their phones beatign up the poor ofw sayign were is our money. This si the issue it is not sen as a gift it is seen as a requirement they hide this thing by callign the ofw’s Heros to try and make them feel better when in reality they are being used but their own family and their own coutry and government!
    One day they may wake up anhd figurte out they need to invest in the businesses here and not simply send people abroad all the time i personaly find it very very sad, when we look all around Asis every other coutry in this region has grown much quicker than the philippiens and i think this is one of the reasons for it!
    Having an interest in a compnay here i know how hard it is to get some people to work in the province, who are being surported by ofw money, they dont want to work they say why should i work when i can sit here with my hang out and wait for the money to arrive.
    Very Very sad!