What makes a filipina a filipina? (with a foreigner)

I’ve spent time working out what really makes a Filipina and the answer is as complex as women can be there is no straight answer. Women are simply women but one thing ive found whilst being in Cebu is the different marriages here with foreigners. There is the odd couple which is basically me and my wife. We have very few years between us. We are both graduate engineers and enjoy each others company more than any others. We are happy to spend most of our time at home even if doing nothing. We havent argued ever in 16 months of knowing each other and not to lift our own chair i find many people looking at us as if we are where they want to be.

The next group of people are those who are generally retirees with a younger woman (many years junior) and a lot of these relationships work but for the wrong reasons its more like the guy needs a companion the woman needs the money im not judgemental because if they are happy then good for them.

Third group is the OFWs who met a foreigner a bit older but suffering from being westernised with the belief that a Gucci watch and a Prada handbag mean something. The guy is normally content but watching over his shoulder for where the wife is putting the kitchen knives.

The last ones would be the women that are controlled by the boyfriend or husband. Carrying out their every need to keep them happy but they can never reach that point and that’s where the guy keeps control of the relationship. The girls in this type or relationship i feel sorry for because they are treated so badly in return for very little.

So what makes a Filipina a Filipina? Most of the time its the family.. After that its the couple and how they are treated in the relationship. I make a point to my wife that she is and always will be my equal even though she will follow anything i say i don’t want that in my life i want our thoughts to be our thoughts, so that the future is our experiences,achievements,failures and the ability to say we did that. If I can achieve that then ill die a happy man.

Many retiree relationships are based on just being happy with the company of the other but that’s companionship and at late 60s + i would be happy with that myself as in other countries most people are unlikely to give you the time of day. But the problem with that is most Filipina’s like to have a strong husband a retiree has already likely gone through family life and maybe even the death of his previous wife so likely to just go along with the flow rather than be the stronger man who some of the women likely to marry a guy of his age is likely to need. They are generally just enjoying life and happy with what they have got and the Filipina is more content with handbags and gifts more than the husband but most are just a marriage of convenience where the woman is waiting to inherit the guys wealth or at least some of it. But time develops and many people’s thoughts change. Many moons ago i looked after the elderly at a location in the UK as a student (quiet place to study). Didnt have to do anything but just check they don’t die during the night. It’s strange how friendships develop even with people who can’t remember your name or who you are each time you see them or the stories they have had over the last near 100 years of life. So i can understand why a 20 something girl can eventually love a guy in his 70s with enough time together.

The Westerner and the ex-ofw could be one of the worst or best relationships to have in the Philippines depending on the woman. The biggest problem is the materialistic trappings of the west showing that Gucci is something special. But to me Gucci is just overpriced,poor design quality and oversized junk. But many if not the majority of these relationships work especially in the West if they value each other as equals. If you can’t then this will fail drastically. If you return to the Philippines and your wife is hung up on the material life then she isn’t likely to be wanting to live the quiet province life where she is likely to be second to her husband especially in family eyes.

If you’re in the final group where you are either the woman being controlled or want to control the woman in your life this is not only unfair on the woman unless she enjoys this type of life where she wants to be the weaker of the relationship but its better done in your own home. I’m not one for over equality which is what has happened in the UK but i do believe women deserve respect and not like a dog that needs to be controlled. If you grab a book on human behaviours it’s not a good sign, you may think your showing a strength by doing this to another being. But it shows you have other problems in your life that your hiding below the surface. This relationship may work but it’s not one for me and i just can’t treat anyone badly life is for enjoying not destroying.

So what does it all mean? You’re the person who makes the woman in your life the Filipina that she is. If you’ve met her online meet her in person. Online means nothing many are Bayot (gays) and there are plenty of real women out there looking for a real man in their life to make them happy. Dont get hung up on things could be a burn, a scar,small manhood one leg or anything else that has kept you from women for years Filipinas are naturally open and will just be ok.. lets look at the problem discuss it with you then its no longer an issue they have the best mentality that ive come across on this planet aswell as being some of the most beautiful women ive ever seen. If your fat it doesn’t matter, if you think your ugly they will see you as beautiful for having white skin, if your disabled they will just see a person deep inside. Find a woman who loves you for who you are. That woman to me is a Filipina.. that woman is my wife.