What can I say about a mixed race marriage?

A lot of people will assume mixed marriages will be full of complications, misunderstandings and the fact that a Filipina will likely be submissive and the reason for a lot of guys from the West to choose a woman from the Philippines or any other country in Asia right?

The truth is the complete opposite especially in our marriage. Sometimes my wife April will be submissive especially if the subject is something that can be a cause of a dispute or has to be pleasing to both of us. But simply I try as much as possible to make April have an opinion on everything even if she didn’t want one. Why? Because in the West I’m used to being hen pecked and already knowing my ideas for such things as wall colourings etc are falling on deaf ears so why bother in the first place. Why because I’m the one who is weak in a relationship with my ex? no because simply when it gets painted one colour it will be me painting the next colour over my weekends even if we ended up doing it together. So why bother in this instance in the first place?

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What is true about our relationship is we compliment each other that’s one thing that can be said. The advert above is relating to the topic at the top not this bit..lol I’m naturally stubborn and a Scorpio aswell as year of the Ox which makes me a bit hard to get along with. Although for those of you not into your stars which I’m not personally it does give you a boost to find you are on the same page and get along well. My friend Nimesh does personal charts based on your information for a price. Drop me an email if you are interested.

Getting back to the relationship. We have been married over a year and heading towards a year and a half. Have known each other for nearly two years and we have never argued once. Not even come close to an argument why? Because we have good communication which has come about from other things such as both being in relationships previously that were going no where and suffered with poor communication. We have a lot of similar traits such as cooking, thrifty with money, practical over fashionable to name but a few. The difference is we view the world with very similar eyes, sometimes there are things which I’m more into although April will happily go along with them but the truth is things like me getting involved with street children does affect April a lot because she doesn’t like to see the kids in such a bad way. But for me its not about how the kids are but how I can help them get a better life. Because April is the feminine one in a relationship and if you look at Asia culturally and what women want from a man its generally a strong partner. Not sure of the reasons but its not because the women are submissive but maybe more of the fact that a strong husband is likely to guarantee survival of the family in hard times. Around the house April may rule the roost but it doesn’t mean I’m making her do it or that I think she has to do it in the Philippines culture its normal but also I will do washing up, I do cook and I will get groceries (although I hate the groceries bit.. happily get a Yaya just to get the groceries!).

So why is there an assumption that most Filipinas are submissive? I think the reason is they aren’t but are more happy in the home for the majority at least until they want a change of scenery. In the West a lot of the changes are instant and it takes time to adjust where the house is an environment that is stable and can be adapted to anywhere on planet not because I believe the woman’s place is in the home but the fact is that all Filipinas want to contribute to the house and family and in the beginning it takes a bit of time to adjust for someone not used to the West and its whole new world outlook when you compare it to the Philippines. I have met many women from the Philippines in the UK mainly older generations but the point is they often worked 2 or 3 jobs because of family commitments back in the Philippines and although I am happy to see they are committed to helping the families the problem is what strain does it put on the marriage? We are in a fortunate position where if I go back into my engineering I can earn upto 6 x the salary of most people in the UK allowing April to do as she wants.. that’s the difference I think with our relationship as I want April to be able to do what she wants either home maker, student or working. I don’t mind as the main thing we have is we are happy. I cant see our lives changing for the worse because I have a lot of skills and education over the years that keeps me in demand even in the recession. If anything life will change for the better the reason I think the relationship works is we both couldn’t be happier with the life we have. Which also means we do a lot to make sure it stays that way. At the moment we have no plans to leave the Philippines until Zoei is old enough to travel although I’m hoping we will be able to tour Asia within the next couple of years as although I have lived in Hong Kong before most of Asia is still a new experience to me and would love to be able to share the countries and experiences with my wife and daughter.. hopefully Nicole will be able to travel aswell in the future (my other daughter).

Could the relationship be the same if we were both white? Simple answer yes as I think its more our personalities than our skin colour and cultures that make us who we are. Although April has religion in her life I respect that as its her choice. I’m a man of science and I’m glad she doesn’t beat me with the bible to convert me. So like most things in our life its in harmony. I think too many people have become more obsessed with beauty on the surface than the beauty inside. Although I can say my wife is beautiful both inside and out and I couldn’t ask for a better partner in life.