I’m not one for getting drunk and infact tonight I’m not drunk just got that numb feeling on the brain which is what I badly needed. Out here in the Philippines you can buy the small regular sizes of beer or the large Grande..
most beer is San Miguel as the monopoly is controlled. But that isn’t the topic for tonight.. I spent the last couple of hours drinking 2 x Grande watching the stars to seperate myself from things lately. In the last week I had a lump develop on my neck and have been struggling to breath the last couple of days. Today I found a lump in one of my main veins in my neck. I pretty much got wasted for medical purposes as I didn’t even feel like having a beer. Probably a few of you have noticed from my posts there has been a negative cycle which has been causing me stress the last few months. The big problem I have found in the Philippines is that its common for people to just leave without notice or even not starting. We have been lucky to find a Yaya for Zoei as April is currently on bed rest for medical reasons which I won’t go into but she’s pregnant and high risk right now. My builders didn’t turn up yesterday after getting wasted on a case of Red Horse (A stronger beer) and unlikely to come back after loosing face. So I concreted the kitchen step yesterday then concreted the floor level so its ready for tiles. Today the main lighting circuit got wired in as well as the mains. At the same time I am also updating PC`s in the net café after a bad virus attack. I managed to send a couple of website developments over to a friend of mine in Cebu who took them on as simply I am lacking time lately. The Yaya we now have was one of 3 – 4 original choices but the others didn’t even show up. So I am keen to make sure the Yaya (Nanny) is happy and wants to stay long term. As we have another child on the way but also I would like her to stay and happy to train her for driving or even put through college at a later stage as long as she stays!! lol..
So tonight I sat on the apartment front with a light breeze and a Grande (large beer) in hand and thinking that for my life I have never had a fear of death but lately my fear has been not to fulfil a future for my wife and children does that count as a fear as its not singular? Either way its a realisation that I may not always be here but if I finish what I have started Nicole, Zoei and our latest addition as well as April and her parents should be secure for the future. May sound a bit morbid but the current events have pushed the thoughts upon me.. and I am hopeful for a happy future but even more so that I can complete everything.