The lonely part of life

A lot of people don’t even look at this issue when they first decide that they want to settle down and even more so with a partner from another part of the world. Many people I know even within the UK cant work away from home and come back at weekends never mind the life me and my wife have which will stand at around 8 months apart. In our first year of marriage I spent more months abroad than at home with my wife. This is why this year is such a milestone as I can go home and be with my wife for a lot longer this time before needing to return to the UK. My priority in the UK though is Nicole and when away I miss her (Nicole’s my daughter btw) but when in the UK I miss my wife April and daughter Zoei. Its a catch 22 a no win situation but the last couple of years changed something that is hard to accept that it happened and that’s the bond I have with Nicole. After seeing her on weekends only which often changed to just the Saturday/Sunday or during holiday periods not at all for 2 – 3 weeks. You start to realise your kids are out of your control. The ex has all the cards and a country that is biast against males. There was an interesting debate the other night regarding a “Man`s group” which men meet up and discuss facts that would no doubt be poked fun at in other circumstances such as weight and where they fit into society these days as the feminist movement has disrupted the happy medium in the UK. Don’t get me wrong I’m for equality and that’s all the way down the line. If a man or woman cant do the job they don’t get special treatment they get fired. Equality means equality nothing else not pick and choosing the nice bits and leaving all the bad.

The point the woman on the show who was against the group just attacked it as an insult to women. Sorry but who even wants her opinion? He eyes are blinkered and her mind shut this is why things will either be very hard to change or not change at all in the UK simply because women like on the show have a voice that is blinkered and quick to put men down. But the difference is if a man had done that he would instantly be branded sexist. Maybe you don’t agree with me? Do something tonight watch UK TV adverts and tell me if you see any male in any advert who is a strong character or is the woman always dominant? These are the woman people wanted in “top jobs” making decisions and this is what they’ve done to everything.

So where does this leave me and my daughter? point being I just cant be bothered to go through courts and the mess that is the legal system to “try” and get fixed access rights as simply I know the only thing the court is looking for is a shiny wallet. I feel sorry for guys in worse situations than me but something you may think about if your getting your wallet raided and poor or no access is to sell up and leave the country. I have a friend who was destroyed by a divorce that dismantled his business and all his assets. He would still be struggling to survive except he made the leap to the Philippines re married and is now financially stable and is now rebuilding his business without any of the ties he had with his ex. That’s unfair? not in my eyes as I think the split on divorces are generally unfair to the guys who come out of the relationships if kids are involved. What they need to take into account is the female partners ability to work. If she decides to be unemployed or part time that’s her choice not the ex partners responsibility to pay for. Like I said “equal is equal”. I’m ranting lol..

Back on track its just got me in the mind frame that I’m at a loss when it comes to Nicole. The bond we had isn’t as strong as it once was purely because we don’t spend enough time together. I’ve done everything I can to build up communication but the mobile phones she has are never on and she never contacts me online unless she wants something (or asked to by her mother for something). So what do you do? Do i sit in the UK waiting for her to grow up or go home to the Philippines and enjoy my life wishing Nicole would at least visit me ?

The truth is I’m going home. I have friends caught in the loop here that were destroyed after a marriage went wrong who had a good life and a nice house now living amongst the drug addicts and students in bedsits. Just so they can see their kids. Its unfair and I’m never going to be one of them. I know they love they’re kids but lets be honest they are just being treated like crap by the country, the ex`s involved and stuck as a “weekend dad”. If you want to do something for your kids build them a future. Living like that you never will and sooner or later you will get old and old men in a bedsit just shouldn’t happen. Get your life back and pick yourself up. Head off to new pastures and build a life your kids are proud of.

This is the lonely part of life that I experience daily because after working I return back to my room I’m renting for work and that’s where I write and look forward to going home. I look at the UK which should be my home and its a shadow of itself. Its a country that needs rebuilding and hope put back into its government that is currently riddled with corruption and shameless greed. My room is it as I don’t go out drinking or partying because I don’t want to I’m just waiting for my ride home. I’m not asking for pity as I have my way out I just get on with work and make the most of it I can. I look forward to landing in Cebu feeling the warm sun against my face and my wife in my arms. But always in the back of my mind is could I do more for Nicole even though I know she is slipping through my fingers like grains of sand.

This is the life of the contractor/expat one who hops in and out of the Philippines to make money back in the home country. One of several stereotypes of people living in the Philippines but funnily enough most actually fit into the stereotypes. There are the Retirees who are generally divorced and either been burned by a divorce or just outlived their partner, The overseas contractor who met a Filipina at some point on travels and fell in love and eventually headed to the Philippines to settle/retire. The business men who have either gone bankrupt or seen opportunities in the East they are now trying to exploit. There is also the married which would have been the old mail order bride scenario (which is illegal in the Philippines btw) and then there is the people like me and April alongside other younger expats who ended up in the Philippines for various reasons. Sometimes its meeting online, sometimes travel or curiosity. But whatever it is we make up the majority of expats.

0 comments for “The lonely part of life

  1. John
    November 29, 2009 at 6:50 pm


    Hang in there my friend. Being in the Phillipines beats doing anything in the UK brother… Can’t wait to kick back a few San Migs with you.