I have had dealings with a lot of people over the last few years and one of the most common reasons for them being here is the Ex-wife and the divorce. There are people avoiding child support and there are people who are just left flat broke and unable to continue in their home countries or they simply want to move onto pastures new / revisit their happy days as marines in the Philippines. Either way its surprising how much damage divorce does to people to actually force them half way round the world just to get away from the ex wife. But its also that distance that creates freedom, not sure for how long though as banks and governments slowly start to tighten the grip on money moving around the world could find at some point benefit being withdrawn by governments internationally.
So what goes wrong in the marriages? from what I have heard a lot of the guys are still hung up on the divorce so its difficult to say. Although those who have been divorced a long time will admit a lot of the problems were caused by themselves so I can’t really answer this question fully as I would need to know their ex’s as well to get that information as most stories have three sides the two parties and the truth.
What does surprise me is how hung up a lot of the women are and I experienced it myself. I wasn’t married but with my ex for around 11 years. Upon finding out about my wife its automatically assumed I am getting a trophy wife. Which is laughable as for a start I had no interest in getting into a relationship before I met April I had just come out of 11 years of a relationship. I had a good career, salary, nice car and looking at a new apartment. Things were pretty sweet being single. In reality it came down to a few things that happened in between me and April meeting and as soon as we met we hit it off and have been happy ever since.
Others would say that guys are coming here because they can dominate the women as they are submissive. In some cases that is true and culturally its a trait that Filipinas have but its more about knowing the house is their domain and generally happy to be the home maker. Doesn’t mean that they are locked to the kitchen sink in reality my wife for example does whatever she wants I encourage April to go out with friends if I go somewhere April is generally going to come with me unless she doesn’t want to go. Truth of the matter is there are no demands made and expectations. I got up early this morning for example so I done the washing up. I generally don’t cook as much as I would like as April has funny tastes at the moment due to being pregnant so eating a lot of things like fish head soup which isn’t something I have made. But lets also not forget as the male if the woman decides to take the role as home maker you have to take the role as money earner so its a bit Ying and Yang. If I am home I help if I am busy working etc. generally April will do all the house chores.
Personally I think this is one of the biggest flaws in western civilization it has lost the family structure. Now does it have to be the woman at home the answer is no but the basic unit has broken down. I watched a documentary a while back which involved one of the original people who setup womens refuge in the UK. Originally a true believer in women’s rights and equality etc. etc. she admitted now that she was wrong. Why? Because her personal priorities had changed and the fact the best times she spends is with her daughter and grandchildren. But these days society is based on a two parent working family unit just to keep heads above water which means kids are home alone and quality time is minimal with parents. Same documentary also had an editor who originally started a women’s rights magazine in the 60s a strong femanist who back then wanted the same for women as men. Now? She admits she is also wrong and when asked what changed? she said “ we did we had children". The same argument also fits into why more men have top jobs than women you will find that its published as if its forcing women out but in reality what has happened is they reach their peaks of career then decide to settle down and have a family. Decide to take a part-time role, move into an easier to do and time management role. Yet its its the big bad man that’s the cause?? Have your cake and eat it springs to mind.
Now I can understand women in the West getting bitter with guys here after a bad divorce and to find out your ex husband is now marrying a 20 something beautiful woman. Its something I struggle to get my head round to be honest as ok the divorce was something that divided the two of you but what is it about people wanting to see people suffer indefinitely? It is a discussion I had with a female friend last year to do with her previous relationship as her ex had got a new girlfriend she quickly looked to compare herself to the new girlfriend and was happy to see she was ugly. Maybe it is a female thing I am not sure as personally I find its easier to just move on completely but then again my split wasn’t as severe and it was something a long time coming. I wish well for my ex and her new boyfriend as they seem happy. The moral high ground though is something that does bug me with a lot of Western women on this topic though as they act like the women marrying/dating the guys in the Philippines are almost prisoners or that their ex is here because they couldn’t get a girlfriend/wife in their home country. But does any of these ex’s ever think that they have left such a bitter taste in the guys life that they would never want another western woman as long as they lived? Or maybe the fact that a young 20 something girl it may not be genuine love but there is hope it will develop into something later might actually be a good way to spend out the remaining years and actually be happy?
Truth be known I think its more the fact that the guy is happy and secondly out of reach of the ex wife. They can’t be reached for child support or other cash related payments. As a friend of mine stated from what his ex wife said to him “ I have more power over you than god”. Which was in relation to her systematically destroying his life with lawyers. Here he is long out of reach and she has now toned down her aggression as she cannot use and abuse the long arm of the U.S. doesn’t reach these shores.
I never understand divorce either its supposed to be fair and just.. people want equal rights etc. so why is it generally the kids are better with the mother? why is it you get the kids you get the house and allowances every month from the party that loses the case and ends up a cash drone to feed, roof and clothe? Equal rights in the UK are biast towards females and I can only see things leading one way especially here in the Philippines more people are going to leave and come here. More people want to be part of the life here.
Am I sexist? No is the answer as no doubt the above article will have a defence mechanism for some people as its easy to stick me in a box and label me. I speak as I see and its something I have discussed with many and yet to find anyone disagree. Would I personally date a Western woman after being in the Philippines? Answer would definitely be no. But at the same time I like female friends as socially if you can keep out of relationships you can keep out of most of the headaches.
Why is being married to my wife so different to being with my ex before? Its unfair to comment as sometimes my ex reads my blog and also its not an easy comparison as the Philippines and being with my wife April is a completely different way of life and culture. Over 30 months of marriage and not one argument and no its not about submissive etc. its because we click.. our age gap is close and we have a lot of the same interests generally we have not
hing to argue about as we agree on most things and to be honest I can’t think of anything even that has happened that would inflame into an argument. Disputes with people in the past for example was easily resolved once I had all the facts because in the Philippines you will find a lot of people don’t tell you everything and its not always obvious why. You will also here if your in the UK for example and arrive back in the Philippines expecting a house to be built while your away that it hasn’t because of a minor issue but nobody wanted to tell you and thought it better to wait until you got back to sort it.
All in all I know if I was just divorced had a reasonable pension I wouldn’t think twice I would be on the next flight to the Philippines and ready to start a new life. The culture shock is something not everyone can adapt to but if you spend time organising your life correctly instead of getting a big house rental for example get something more modest and get a maid with the spare money or a home helper. Means all the grocery and laundry hassles are dealt with leaving you to just enjoy life..