the disrespected foreigner

If you meet enough people when things go sour its often to do with things not directly related to the relationship. A lot of the problem is down to a lack of value being put on the person who has generally given up family, moved country and even changed entire career paths just to be with their wife and children. It never seems to be taken into account with people when they arrive in the Philippines and its often the first 6 months when problems occur for the new foreigner and his wife living in the Philippines as situations get exploited and the new found life in paradise doesn’t seem so glossy anymore. One of the signs is the mall trails.. when you first arrive you will have plenty of people trailing along at the mall because when you first arrive the amount of money between your home currency and the local currency is huge or should I say used to be when I first arrived less than 3 years ago it was P96 to the £1.00 which has now reached P68 to the £1.00 so we are feeling it a bit in our pocket. But getting back to the point you will find the trail of people are generally on a free shopping trip and free food at your expense. Don’t believe me? Try the term “your turn to pay” at a restaurant and see what happens. There are a lot of things you do when you first arrive you just let slide simply because the amount of money is so small or you don’t want to offend. But who is offending who? I hear so many expat’s say about living in secure guarded sub divisions or Condo’s because it stops people getting access you don’t want there as well as moving hundreds of miles away from relatives.. but I think its extreme measures that people shouldn’t have to do. If things really are that bad then the whole relationship needs re-evaluation to get rid of the headaches. I just wish people would respect the foreigner as much as they want to be respected for Philippines culture and beliefs. Its a sad state of affairs that marrying a foreigner is often seen as a way out and an ATM for family instead of a person marrying another person which is the way it should be. If your coming to the Philippines anytime soon to meet a loved one there is a steep learning curve and if your soon to be wife is true you will find a way through it but expect a bumpy road and avoid any excess expenses or ways that people can exploit your relationship because it can only cause rifts over time in your marriage so stop them before they start. I look at things from a perspective that some people may expect respect but its something in life that is earned and often I can be seen as an outsider which I will accept at the same time I can refuse to help because I am the outsider. It would be nice to get some feedback on the last few posts as to things that have happened to other people.

0 comments for “the disrespected foreigner

  1. Mylene Oana
    April 10, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    well said,i am a filipino but i have to agree with what you said, i am embarassed of what filipinos think of foreigners, when they see expat, they see money, they dont understand that expat had to work hard for the money they have to bring here in the philippines just to be with the people they love, filipinos dont understand the sacrifices thatforeigners do just to be with the people they love here.
    Since me and andrew had been together, i had fallen out with most of my relatives as i never allow them to use me to get to andrew, they always describe me as a very mean person, i hate people who live in the expense of others, me and andrew are very similar in such a way that we both like to be given the choice to give and not being asked, i get more mean when someone ask me, as for me i know when to give,people dont need to ask me, when i see and feel that i need to , i do voluntarily.i really hate this filipino mentality that when a relative marries a foreigner or rich person they expect to be part of that which is unfair for the person who has money.
    many relationship has been destroyed bec majority of the filipina wives dont understand where the foreigner husband is coming from when they are upset about being used as a provider for the family of the wife.they allowed theirselves to be used by the family to extract money from the husband, a complete embarassment.

  2. Mark Maranga: In the Philippines
    April 11, 2010 at 5:35 am

    Hi, I’m Mark Maranga and I write about adventures and travel in the Philippines. Can you also add meto your Philippine Blogs. By the way, I have a suggestion. Your URL is not Search Engine Friendly Format (ex: http://tropicalpenpals.com/blog/?p=4157), you can change it in Wp-Admin > Settings > Permalinks > Custom Structure > then write “/%postname%/” without quotes. Then save. I hope you follow my suggestion.

  3. Matt Wilkie
    April 11, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Hi Mark,
                what is your blog name to be added? I have also altered the structure as suggested thanks for pointing it out.. welcome to TP 🙂