Remembering when your wrong

Its strange looking back in time from my earliest memory that involved falling down some stairs hitting a silver cross pram. Not sure where we lived at that time or why I was rolling down the stairs as its my earliest memory.

But I often wondered how bad a kid I was in relation to the beatings I received. I don’t see my father as violent as the years have moved on and I look back in history and wonder if my mother was the cause of a lot of the aggression. Didn’t stop me taking beatings mind, I don’t feel a victim by the way as I think sometimes its good for the soul to make a stronger person especially these days when people are supposed to be “in touch with their feelings”. Looking back and talking to my uncles mind they all feared my grandfather who was known for bare knuckle fighting on the Clyde in Glasgow as well as just generally drunk and violent. But to me my relatives always found it strange even up to today that he took time out to play with me as a child as he never done it with his own children. The times as a child visiting my grandparents were always simple because they weren’t rich. But I remember the smell of fresh vegetables being boiled by my grandmother for dinner, the small sitting room which Sheila the dog bit me and I bit it back as a child which even to this day most of my mothers siblings remember. I used to sit behind my grandfathers chair watching the old black and white horror films with mummy’s and vampires.

There are things caught in time such as disputes between my mothers brothers which were a bit more severe than a bit of rivalry. Prime example was my uncle David in a dispute with his father taking a full on punch and as he dropped people came through the front door so ended up with a double hit blood pouring and accepted as part of life.

Years later I see and meet my uncles and the bond when you arrive and stay is very strong yet its something I still don’t fully understand as I spent most of my life abroad.

One of the darkest moments of my history was one of my mothers uncles killed in the Netherlands under a train. Some people said suicide others murder, I look back on the past and wonder if I could have done more before he left the UK as family is family. I tried to help with work to keep him under the radar and problems back in Scotland dragged him back to face a court case he shouldn’t have faced. There were acquisitions of sexual advances which may offend some here on a minor but after his death the same girl admitted it was all fake and a cry for attention. Not only is it the worst thing to be accused for its also something to deal with on a personal basis especially if not committed as people look at you differently. The run from the court system and criminal involvement led to his death. In a letter he explained his loss of family and respect. But at the same time was it needed as he done nothing wrong? His death will always be heavy felt on my heart as I know I could have protected him. I drink to you Huey as I will always stand by you (I know you prefer Shug but your my uncle Huey!).

One thing I have learned through time and history is that family stand by your side where many others may betray you. Why I didn’t go to my uncles funeral was down to the fact I wanted to remember him as he was. I know from others who went they couldn’t recognise him from where the train incident happened. I remember Huey as the bubbly uncle he always was and willing to lend a helping hand if needed.The girl that created the scenario leading to his death I hope it haunts her she robbed me of an uncle but my cousins of a father. You will never hear forgiveness from me as blood is always thicker than water as well as the fact he never did what you accused. I will never curse you as one death is more than enough.

 

9 comments for “Remembering when your wrong

  1. Tropicalpenpals
    July 14, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    thanks Mark not sure how to take it on the backend of my life though..lol these were and still very hard times in my life that left a big footprint as well as a lot of loss.

  2. July 14, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    I like your stories…

  3. July 14, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    I like your stories…

  4. July 14, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    I like your stories…

  5. July 14, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    I like your stories…

  6. July 14, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    I like your stories…

  7. July 14, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    I like your stories…

  8. July 14, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    I like your stories…

  9. July 14, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    I like your stories…