Making a filipino – foreigner relationship work

Ive been giving this a lot of thought lately and i know there are more negative posts on most sites regarding the mixed couples but simply this is down to the fact “most” mixed marriages dont advertise the fact they are happy!

Now there are a lot of pitfalls that i see time and time again with relationships that fail and most of them are pretty obvious outside looking in but like any relationship the people in them always seem to be the last to work out that the relationship was doomed from day one or that doing some things can make it a stronger relationship that will guide you to a “life” together.

Firstly you have to be compatible and this is where a lot of people are going wrong time after time because quite simply they go for looks or money over the persons personality or similarities to yours. Prime example a 60+ expat married to a 24 year old filipina. Now ok there are some couples that work but do they work for the right reason? The guy wants a beautiful wife and the woman wants security and money. Makings of a great relationship?? Simple answer no. Neither of them have generally gone together for love but more out of the shoe fits and its a partnership more than anything. But what are the long term benefits for each other? they are likely to have little in common and its mainly down to filipinas attitude to make things work that they often survive against the odds, so what sort of relationship works??

You should be looking for a guy or girl that has similar hobbies or interests. Everything should be communicated well as there are often misunderstandings due to complications with such things as family issues where your filipina would try to minimise confrontations or arguments because Filipinos generally dont like confrontation of any kind. For the Filipina you need to look at what you want in the relationship and decide where you want it to take you. If your going to marry a 60+ year old guy lay your cards on the table with all honesty and he should do the same. Marriage should be about life long commitment not visas and dollars. Im happily married and with my wife we have discussed all the facts of our relationship from where we want to be in the world, the real costs of living outside of the Philippines, How many children we want to commitments April has with her parents (as its often custom for the siblings to take care of theyre parents in older age). Explaining everything before even looking at the aisle and engagement rings are the most important things to see how compatible you are. We married for love but we have very strong similar hobbies such as cooking and reading aswell as happy to just go along with the other on things we havent tried before because whats most important to us is being an “us” regardless of what we are doing. Finding that sort of companionship anywhere in the world is difficult and i just hope you find it too.

Miles of oceans and living in hotmail.. My year is currently 50/50 with the Philippines and UK. Eventually it will be 80/20 only returning to the UK to see my first daughter Nicole. But this is where communication is paramount to everything working. We trust each other and can get in touch with each other 24hrs a day. There is broadband at our house in the Philippines and im either on my laptop on the net or on my “skype” mobile phone. Either way we know where each of us are and happy to spend our time together. We have been in constant contact everyday since April 2007. Some of you may say that its a bit much to be in touch so much and for others it maybe, but we are happy to be in touch with each other. I used to do the bars and clubs in the UK but im happy to spend my time with my wife instead after deciding to settle down. Communication is a big factor in making your relationship work for you. Not all things are good but to be honest you really are better being “honest” if your not happy tell your loved one what is bothering you as doubt or misunderstandings are the beginning of arguments and most can be avoided.

Understanding the family.. from both sides there will be issues and you should both make each aware of the issues that may happen. From a foreigner side its normally racism.. with ladyboy jokes or family not talking to you for marrying outside your race. But generally if you get on with your family this will settle down and in most cases the issues once you make your family aware its not funny and is causing offence will just disappear. For the Filipina its a mixed issue, members of family suddenly seeing the foreigner as a lottery ticket and will try to find ways to make money out of you. Ive fell party to this myself but had built in a loss i could afford to lose and waited to see what happend. Others havent been so lucky. Most of these issues are unlikely to be directly from your fiancee/wife they are generally blackmail tactics or nothing short of theft done by relatives. Just get all the cards on the table as often as possible to stop things developing out of control.

Love each other.. this is something a lot of people have forgotten what it means. Either because of bad previous relationships, hung up on material life or like me was so absorbed in work before. But my priorities have changed and my wife and children come first in my life. Everything else will be second. That includes money.. as its the route of most divorces or breakdowns. I really no longer care about it and yes some of you can say “thats easy for you to say!” but you are already missing the point if you are thinking that.. Because life is a cycle especially in the west. The banks happily drag you into debt and you spend your life paying it off and before you know it your dead. So why worry about the money, if you havent got it they take away the material things that you really didnt need in the first place and before someone says about the house etc.. most people would have paid the house of years ago if it wasnt a system based on material values and the constant drive for consumer spending. If you went bankrupt tomorrow what would really happen? Would you be relieved as your life goes back to zero? Because most people are who go bankrupt and they are much happier afterwards. Which is why it all comes back to money doesnt matter! so dont let it rule your relationship.

For the girl look for a guy who is honest and real and the same goes for the guys! but please try to get to know each other before commiting to marriage. Ok i got married very quick after my first meeting of my wife but we had known each other nearly a year by then and we just knew we were right for each other.

Good luck for the future happy Hunting!