Over the last couple of years I have gotten to see several types of relationship. The retired with a young partner, The Contract worker with wife in the Philippines, The couples that managed to head out of the Philippines together to the UK or US. Then there are a grey area of Foreign – Filipino marriages which are generally the ones that are make or break. These are the Long distance relationships that are normally very serious for both parties involved but often burn out over a period of time as reality sinks in that things are near impossible with the current way of life to make things work and be with a partner. The truth of the matter is if your serious about a relationship you should leap before looking if that is what you really want in life. If not you will both probably stay “chat mates” but nothing will ever amount to much. With myself and April I had planned to go to Cebu several times but changes in work contract always made things difficult aswell as I am always cautious about leaving a contract midway especially on a temporary one as they may replace me while I am abroad leaving me struggling to find my next assignment once I got back. But I made the leap after a few things happened to us while we were still apart. That made me make the move to set a date and just book the flight. The experiences that followed quite literally were and are life changing. I quit my job which had a clear career path that would have led to very senior roles in a major company and opted to just do temporary contracts when and if we needed money. Currently I am in the UK although the budget didn’t reach our target for buying our house so will be returning back to the Philippines not empty handed as we have enough for a deposit and also an internet cafe built and operational within the next few weeks. If your a couple thinking “it cant work” then you are already defeating yourself never mind the rest of the problems with the world and trying to get through things. If your serious about making a long distance relationship not only work but become a full blown relationship and marriage then you will need to think on the lines of how can we make this work. My wife and her family are very supportive and while I am away they are busy with business projects in the Philippines and every year a new project starts increasing our income and stability of the whole family. In the future I can see a point where I wont be needing to travel to the UK at all
But the importance as the Filipino in the relationship is finding ways to generate income that will continuously create growth for you and your partner so that you can be together if they will move to the Philippines. If you are going to end up in his home country then you need to look at the same options as family issues such as allowances and family support to parents and siblings will still be a burden for both of you but if you got a business enterprise up and running maybe it can draw a small profit for you aswell as support your family. I know it is very difficult and many of these businesses fail. But I believe if your strong willed and put your faith in success you will find a way.
For the Foreign partner you need to understand a bit about Filipino culture as many things aren’t as straight forward as they sometimes seem. Also the fact that your partner will be expected to help family with remittances. But sometimes help is staring you in the face. E.g maybe your partners father rents a tri-cab etc. the way forward maybe to buy one outright and still collect rental but plough the money back into family projects that may seem trivial and small to you but they can really make a huge difference to people with little incomes. Most importantly though be honest if your not prepared to make the leap tell the truth and stop the person you talk to every night from being stuck in limbo waiting for your plane that will never arrive. Either that or do what I done and just book the flight and go. At worst you will have a holiday you will enjoy at best you will find your soul mate and arrive back with a new kick in your step and the desire to make your relationship work.
Personally I think long distance relationships can work to a point and in different situations can also make someone’s life full of meaning with a break from a mundane life. But honesty, trust and loyalty are all factors in this type of relationship and if you believe you will fail on any one of those then you are not being fair on yourself or the person you spend your time with online.