This was a tough one to decide to write here or on my personal blog as I am pretty fed-up with the whole getting to see my daughter when it suits my ex scenario. I travelled straight from work on Friday a route of 208 miles each way to come and see my daughter for the weekend. But my ex has decided she hasn’t seen enough of Nicole this week so I got to only see one day a week most weeks. One thing I have never been prepared to do is become a weekend dad never mind a one day a week dad. Also funny how the ex is always nicer when it comes to pay day for Her.. did I say her? Yeah.. because my child maintenance I pay for Nicole goes on my ex or her bills so I think I will write this article firstly about my own issues before moving on to why I think we need a system change. But firstly I will add this has A LOT to do with the PHILIPPINES as many men have fled home countries due to biast courts and government systems that would pretty much make their life hell back in they’re homelands. Its the total loss of control on Nicole’s life that bothers me most as I have no voice in her education or anything else pretty much replaced and excess to requirements (Except for the financial side of things obviously). Whatever happened to rights as a father? My ex moved house and out with all the four poster bed and everything else. Nicole’s computer ended up given away to my Exs sister and her portable DVD player at her fathers. The Skype phone I bought for Nicole is “missing” after being used once and obviously its not important because it involves the only line of communication to Nicole I have as her computer is gone! Although Nicole did ask for a laptop yesterday but to honest I’m buying nothing more.. All the gifts I bring back from the Philippines I never see Nicole wearing so it pretty much sums it up I’m just an ATM. I know Nicole wants to spend as much time as she can with me but its getting to the point its impossible and spending £100 just to come and see her each weekend aswell as child maintenance puts things off balance especially when she isn’t here!
Ok so that’s my rant out the way so getting on to the root causes of what is going wrong in separations. After I split I got in contact with a group that deals with access to families sort of a counselling service run as an organisation with government ties. I approached them to try and get a balanced and fair resolution to the split allowing access to Nicole. “Ok here you go sir just fill in this form and we will get back in touch with you”… First information is contact details then… bank details and work information?? Oh right.. I get it this is all fake.. nothing to do with finding a solution its to do with getting money out of me ASAP rather than trying to make an amicable arrangement. I gave my ex everything when I left and now I have to give up my salary aswell and access is based round what suits my ex partner. Unless I go the full hog in a court case that I have to pay fully for while the state (taxpayers such as myself) will allow my ex to get full legal aid to fight her side of the deal for free. Welcome to the UK. Looking at the basics on the system with Child maintenance anyone caught in the trap needs to go self-employed. Its not the fact men don’t want to pay for they’re children but the fact its excessive amounts and biast. Not only do you pay the maintenance you have little say in what actually happens as regards access to your children aswell as where the money goes. For example someone earning £2500 a week which is easily achievable for a professional the child support agency will drag £300 out of your wallet although they only deal in cases upto £2000 unless the courts are involved “The maximum amount of net income that can be taken into account is £2,000 a week. If the non-resident parent earns more than this the parent with care can apply to the courts for top-up maintenance. If the courts award additional maintenance then this can also be collected by the Child Support Agency”. Now maybe I am wrong but this is based on a single child £300 a week is more than a lot of my friends are paid in salaries each week so why is a child who has free education and medical care need so much?
Now it may not seem much to you but if your in the type of work I do and also in and out the country you have spurts of work. So if it was handled with courts like most divorce cases are you are in debt the week your contract payments stop as the court service is based on your CONTRACT salary not the fact of breaks in contracts or anything else. Take a lower paid job after redundancy maybe you have to take it to court to get it adjusted and STILL pay the figures which could have been several months while waiting for the case to be heard even if you had lost your job. A friend of mine had a bill of £9500 as he had changed from software graphics designer to a lower paid less stressful job. Which the Child support agency deducted directly from his salary. Leaving him around 1/5th of his salary a month to survive on which may not sound to bad but in reality left him with £14 to live a month including his gas,electric and food. He has now left for Spain and his children haven’t seen him since another 3 kids who are growing up now without a real father in they’re life. In the Philippines I have met several people from the U.S. who cant go home as its likely they will be hounded on arrival in the U.S. but they packed up and left as it was no longer viable to stay in the U.S. after so many problems with ex-partners. One thing they all have in common is they miss they’re children and are all like me close with they’re children. So where is it all going wrong? Its plain and simple the system is biast towards the mother and in the majority of cases is very unfair in settlements and agreements. In reality the fathers are alienated and only those which are what a call “good fathers” are set on with hounds because the governments at the end of the day just want to lift the burden of costs from themselves. If a mother doesn’t work get the ex-father to pay even though there is nothing physically wrong with her. They don’t chase the wasters of society who are likely to have multiple kids and unlikely to work or be in regular work. The result being those who can afford to leave do finally go and I am one of them. I’m not a bad father infact I want to be part of Nicole’s life to help her develop her life but I’m outcast (Except for my wallet). I will sadly be joining the rest of the Philippines Exiles who simply have had enough. The other problem is I look at a friend of mine who puts up with his ex doing whatever she wants has not from the UK originally and wants to go back to Greece but his daughter is here so lives in a studio apartment not much bigger than a small bedroom looking forward to spending his Saturday with his daughter. The same guy isn’t allowed to take his daughter abroad yet it was fine for his ex to take her to Vegas. Same for me I cant take Nicole to the Philippines but its fine for my ex to take her to Portugal and Tunisia.
The system needs to change otherwise you think society is bad now wait 10 years. Skilled people are leaving home countries in Exile, taking money and brains but missing they’re children. But back in the home countries the bitter ex sees the money that is for her children as a “right” not a privilege that comes with responsibility.
I cant really say how making this decision affects me as its not something that will go away. But come December I doubt I will ever come back to the UK every again. I know i am a good honest father and hard working I pay my way to
make sure Nicole is taken care of aswell as my wife and daughter Zoei in the Philippines. To do this to someone like me is typical of the UK government and I just hope someday Nicole will forgive me and come out to stay with us in the Philippines.