How can a Filipina meet a good foreigner?

Its something from the female side nobody really discusses and I am not sure why as you will find what seems to be any available woman or girl searching for a foreigner online on the various dating sites. The odd thing is that the Philippines is anti mail order bride yet all that seems to have happened is the organisers that used to do tours where foreigners would arrive and meet a group of women to choose from or via video dating and letters etc has moved to the internet. There is no need for a middle man as the dating sites have replaced that yet in theory aren’t the dating sites illegal but who do you prosecute? Also should they be prosecuted as its obvious a supply and demand issue that people will find a way.

Anyway sitting here in my internet cafe and after meeting many many women over the last three years the big question 90% of them ask is “Matt can you find me a nice foreigner?” in answer to that question its like above I am not a dating service or introduction service. At the same time how do you help people without breaking the law? You spend time in the internet cafe you see the dregs of society the girls are meeting online and most are just perverse looking to pound the sausage while watching girls online. The conversations are often sexual and often the guys expose themselves on the webcam at the same time requesting the girls to do the same in the internet cafe. It doesn’t happen here mind! its not that type of cafe with private booths its very open plan to stop it happening. But if most dating sites are like that and guys tell me how they got scammed off dating sites it does appear the people that are actually looking for each have more difficulty finding each other than people assume. People think Asia or Russia they think mail order bride like its a lick of a stamp and a transfer of money and you have met the girl of your dreams. In reality I have met several guys who are still looking after a few years and bad experiences. In all honesty the best way of meeting people is the old fashioned way of asking friends and family who know people married to foreigners already as they will no doubt know other people looking to settle down. I know this does work as I have seen it work myself not only by people I know but also people I have come across on the internet.

The reason meeting via people already established in marriage is they know both of you and can hopefully see if you are compatible. A lot of the internet marriages end in disaster due to people meeting without knowing each other the girl smiles thinking this guy has a big wallet and the guy smiles thinking this woman is beautiful how lucky i am, long term its a bit like Russian roulette you don’t know when the guns going to go off but a very good chance its already primed on the trigger.

17 comments for “How can a Filipina meet a good foreigner?

  1. bleh
    February 19, 2011 at 11:13 am

    Matt
    kudos as you’re more objective than LINC, but you’re still painting a tiny corner of phils in ur blog, it always misses important points. In your post, “any available woman” means poor uneducated women with no hope or future and probably a solo parent to boot. No u dont find graduates of UP or de la salle trawling online sites for a kano, Or any pinay from a decent family, educated, employed… again, not interested in kanos, in fact they have heavy prejudices against them. So if u want to date a ‘pet’ come to cebu…. Thats how all these sites should read. Please dont come back with “my girls got a degree” i have studied in cebu universities, i wrote essays without research in 15 minutes and got A+ everytime.

  2. Swarby
    February 19, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    Bang on bleh, generaly girla will accept anything that meets the “family” needs not the dreams or aspirations of the girls, and qualifications are available on cerial boxes and should not be touted as something of value, anyone with children actually within the education system know that. It`s a fact sadly that these unions are business transactions between the family, the dumb sad lonely kanos and the guys that push the web sites who have vested interests in making money out of new blood, who don`t know the way of the philippines, it`s rather sad.

  3. swarfy
    February 19, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    Bang on bud, it`s waffle and misinformation, how sad!

  4. Christine
    February 19, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    Agree with Swarfy here. The trouble is, the internet (especially those dating websites) are full of misinformations about Asian women. The last few days, I’ve had discussions with a newly divorced colleague who seemed intent on getting himself an Asian bride after reading propagandas how Asian women were bred to obey and be devoted to their husbands, etc, etc. Utter bull@#!%. He’s a nice guy, and I’d hate for him to become another victim of scammers. But as they say, you can take a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

  5. Bleh
    February 19, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    I will add that I didnt see this 10 years ago, yes kanos were ‘special’ but there was also a respect for us amongst pinoy, thats gone now im treated with distrust 1st. In my eyes its the “salesman that sold the cebu” the guys that peddled a commodity that was never theirs to sell to begin with, petrea, gamsby et al that ruined this place. There were 50 expats in cebu 20 years ago…who wants to hazard a guess at how many there are now….and of what quality? My point being that LINC, BRITS IN CEBU, TROPICAL PENPALS; whats the diff? u exploited and commidfied something that was never yours to begin with, congrats, the losers of the world are arriving in their buckets, and now cebuanos have a an instictive distrust, a well earned stereotypical view of kanos as drunk psycho man whores. whats worse is they are adapting their personality to suit; well done lads, u bought em here, hope u make a buck. U destroyed a generation in ur hopes for internet grandeur.

  6. February 20, 2011 at 12:42 am

    The point of the post is written for the female not the male perspective.. As the point being is that many people are simply trawling online expecting to find the man or woman of their dreams and they both wasting their time. The reason I say its better for people to meet via other people is that they actually “SHOULD” know both people and also that the commitment should be less on first meeting. E.g. How many guys arrive here and get married within weeks? Having people you know first properly which most people ignore is more of a basis of a long-term relationship.

    As regards Asian women being better than Western I didn’t cover that topic as its not relevant to the actual problem I was covering “people meeting”. I don’t grade people as cattle with who is who but I do agree most guys look for lower educated people and that is where most of the pool of available women are. At the same point Matt I know many wealthy Filipina’s who are looking for husbands they are just more discrete and when I say wealthy I don’t mean have a job but actually own resorts etc. A lot of this is down to the fact they are separated from husbands etc who like the mistress lifestyle but obvious the wife didn’t. Agree the education system is a joke and would say wealth isn’t all to do with it but these girls are a lot better educated than most locals. Your right you don’t find educated good women online Bleh and that was my point most aren’t there. Which is why people wasting time on dating sites don’t find good matches. At the same time some are but they aren’t forceful with their profiles and unlikely to post a photograph to keep out of the limelight. Employed you find all over the internet as you will find that many are online from work.. Bleh (obviously can’t be bothered to put your real name) you’ve obviously got a bee in your bonnet about something..

  7. February 20, 2011 at 1:04 am

    blah@ there is enough information on the internet to explain misfortune and the bad side to meeting women and life in the Philippines online. It suited you 10 years ago don’t make me laugh..”HEY JOE!! the U.S. Navy damaged the foreigner reputation here due to use and abuse that’s why they were glad to see the back of them. Prostitution was exploited by the U.S. so thinking people treated your better 10 years ago I doubt it very much maybe you didn’t speak the language very well then and people talking about you directly in front of you with a smile you thought they were just being nice..

    The big reason many have come here is down to the fact they can’t afford to live in the U.S. due to the medical costs. Most Americans live in less than $1000 a month as well as the fact many served previously in the Marines so funny enough the “hidden gem” they had already been here long before Blah. So the dregs of society your talking about guess what they had been here and just returned.. Why is it happening more in the last 3 years? Look at the recession economics has played a bigger part than anything else. The same as people telling them its all wonderful in the land of smiles and sunshine. If you compare TP to the other things mentioned you will find there is at least 30 – 40% of posts stating the negative parts of life in the Philippines the reason that came about is that most sites back in 2007 were selling the glossy none negative side to life.

    As regards the “dating sites” I haven’t posted anything positive about them on this post as there is A. very little positive use for them and B. The information is fake in many cases. This post was about HOW TO MEET nothing else. As most people I have met who have divorced met and married within weeks without even knowing their partners companionship compatibility but that’s a completely different topic and like you said Christine people “Don’t listen” which is why I didn’t drag this post out as it really needs to be a separate post in the hope that those who bother to read it were actually wanting the information and listen.

    @Bleh your version of “exploitation” is an odd one as blaming people for sharing information maybe you think Julian Assange should be behind bars or executed for releasing the information he was “given”? If the Philippines wanted to stop people coming here it could. If your worried about the stereotypes guess what Prostitution, drunk and disorderly and any other reason you come up with are covered by the LAW if its not enforced speak to your local politician. I would ask what have you done to prevent the people you don’t want and its probably about as much as posting on the internet like most forum warriors.. As regards making money (which normally is a view coming from expats struggling here) the money doesn’t pay my time, generally I do find people cheap rent deals in the area at “LOCAL RATE” and have sorted a lot of peoples problems out “FOR FREE”. I know several of the operators of other sites are involved in exploiting the new arrivals with selling them things like the Legacy policies previously or some other misadventure. I do not encourage anyone to actively engage in businesses they don’t understand and know and I certainly don’t invite them to invest in anything I am up to. So making the assumption its about money keep it as its never been about money, if it was I would be in the UK working and not here.

  8. February 20, 2011 at 1:07 am

    As regards “Local Rate” rents before somebody jumps in assuming I am becoming a millionaire off the back of other Expat’s I generally get them rents for P7,000 for a 1 – 2 bedroom apartment house, semi or fully furnished. Everywhere else THEY looked previously was around P12,000+ for the same. The reason I do it is primarily to develop the area as foreigners are more likely to employ laundry women, buy things locally as well as spend a few pesos repairing things in the neighbourhood..

  9. Juliet
    February 20, 2011 at 2:22 am

    I met my husband on Cherry blossoms he lied a lot to me. Although now i live in UK he told me he was business man yet he only delivers fish in a white van. If i had met him via our now friends here in uk i would know he was liar. Now just pray that some day our lives will be much better instead of this small government flat with crazy neighbours.

  10. Tintin
    February 20, 2011 at 2:28 am

    You foreigns are so funny. You come to my country steal our women because we are poor and you still argue with each other as if one is better than other. Your all the same and none of you are wanted not here and more important not in your own country either your the waste of western society all low life. So so funny arguing one is better than other haha your all shit

  11. Ken
    February 20, 2011 at 2:46 am

    Something up Matt seems to be attack Matt day? I can only write about my own experiences and I met Matt in 2008 while he was minding his own business at Bo’s coffee. I met my ex girlfriend on a dating site and when I went back to the U.S. I asked Matt to look in on her to make sure she was doing ok. I then found out she was bed hopping with other arrivals from abroad so her “hard luck” story she was earning more than me. Had a crap time of it after finding out and was lucky enough to be able to call Matt a friend for letting me know.

    I am now married and back in the U.S. with my wife who is also from the Philippines although met her via another friend who lives in Davao a cousin of his wife. So in answer to the post above I would say if you want to meet a nice girl you really do need to come to the Philippines in person and even better have people you know.

    The dregs of society you forget your here Bleh and no doubt came here for a girl yourself so stop talking bull your the same as everyone else. I have a beautiful wife 10yrs younger than me and guess what I don’t care what you think! because I am happy and so is she.

  12. Maria Clara
    February 20, 2011 at 6:36 am

    I am a Filipina, and I am offended by the article. maybe because of the way it was phrased, i dunno. I’m just saying.

  13. Christine
    February 20, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    Matt, meeting people through a friend of a friend or even sister of a friend is not a guarantee relationships will work either. I’ve seen this happen so many times here too where the girl left the Kano after gaining residency, much to the embarrassment of friend. There are still good women in dating websites. The problem is picking out the good from the multitudes of scammers and non-genuine ones.

    And I would disagree with your statement Matt that many women are online after work. If you look at the profiles on DIA, there are far more women who were unemployed than unemployed.

    I did mentioned the “Asian women better than western women” myth because this is the most common rationales that you hear why Western men marry Asian women – the reason why they seek Asians, regardless of the method of meeting, rather than admitting that their marriages from the west did not work for one reason or another.

    As for Juliet, I sympathized with your fate. As we can see, mis-representations happens on both sides too. I’ve seen (old) guys bring their Filipina wives to their caravan home and proudly shows her his “modern gadgets” – toaster, microwave and blender. No kidding.

    And Bleh, we should not worry about the numbers of Kanos coming. If you check the statistics of foreigners visiting the Philippines in 2010, you will find Koreans and the Japanese tops the lists, and of course you can see a lot of them consorting with Filipinas also. And I’ve heard that the Africans are now becoming very visible in Makati too!

  14. February 21, 2011 at 12:24 am

    Christine there is no guarantee of a relationship working out that’s what the point of the post is about learning to know each other. The same reason I do state in a reply later on that “Nobody says you have to get married”. The big issue with people coming to the Philippines is they are hounded to get married. The whole point is that via friends you have a higher chance of meeting a “real person” especially if the people who introduce you know you both well. I have had guys here ask about meeting women I know and I have refused point blank purely on the basis I know the women I know wouldn’t like them even as friends.

    Regarding the “unemployed/employed” thing on the dating sites I am just stating the women I know who are “ON” the dating sites are all employed because they also use their computers at work as they work in Call centres or offices. I do know several other people who are on sites but due to thier salary and type of work they are online 1 – 2 days a week. So odds are the “unemployed” are more likely to be all over the dating sites as noone else has the time to sit there all day.

    Another warning note though is I see in my internet cafe girls of 14 upwards generally coming in with groups of class mates all of these girls have dating site profiles which is another thing to be aware of.

    There is no secret to getting married the ability to realise not everyone is perfect and that an individual may find some of your own habits annoying are part and parcel of the learning curve of marriage. I didn’t mention money as I find anyone who marrys for money are going to find things hard as they generally only see as far as the dollar signs in eyes..

  15. Matt
    February 21, 2011 at 8:02 am

    The topic isn’t covering the “type” of foreigners that appear to be the majority coming to the Philippines as it was purely about people meeting people. At the same time the sort of guys your talking about I don’t get too involved with as like you I know the problems they bring as well as the way they act.

  16. Matt
    February 21, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Larry where did you marry or date a Filipina being a lazy drunk reject from your own country? You’ve based it on people you’ve seen in the malls etc. yet if you read through the posts I actually hate people doing it and pro-active in other things involving stopping certain activities in Cebu. Stereotyping everyone as the same is totally bizarre, there are many business people here involved in export, call centre’s, manufacturing, NGOs, company liason’s, Embassy officials or involved in online businesses such as web design and development, 3D animation, graphic design, Blueprints (such as Autocad for planning permission) to name but a few but hey you should choose better friends to hang round with. Generally you won’t find these people trawling around the malls they like me generally keep themselves to their own circles most of the time. The majority you won’t even find bother with the internet as they have little use for other expat’s except in social circles which is why I hear of people from time to time that only use emails that come across the blog.

    As regards Philip’s restaurant you should talk to him about it as I am not aware of him operating that type of business from the premises and haven’t seen it happening the times I have been there the article was written in 2009 so possible it never came about. As well as the fact most of his staff are gay men so not 100% how well that would work even if it was true?

  17. Profile photo of OLDARTICLES
    February 21, 2011 at 11:35 am

    Just chatted with Philip about the “Bar fines” and they don’t operate from the restaurant and never have done same reason the place isn’t a DISCO but a cultural show. Majority of customers are Japanese and its based along a tourism area not down town Cebu. Always worth checking facts if you can as the internet does throw up a lot of bitter expat’s who often write bad things about others.
    Philip sent over this :-

    The Jungle Disco – Opened Jan 11, 2009 Closed Sep 13, 2009.
    DTI Reg No.# 00568242 ( Cancellation Notice on File for Inspection)

    The Jungle Restaurant and Entertainment ( Cultural Experience ) Opened Sep 14, 2009. DTI Reg No.# 01005700 Issued Feb 26, 2010.
    DTI Document on File for Inspection..

    Would suggest to be very careful in making statements that are or might cause harm to any business or person.. Especially here in PI. I Ingorance is no excuse ….

    At the same time regarding the sex with “many women” and the age there are laws to protect the women that aren’t enforced. To be honest only thing I can say about the sex industry in Cebu is it seems to be in decline many bars are up for sale so maybe times are changing for the better.

    The business stuff I already posted as its a “percentage” of Expats not the majority as you have described. The cheap booze and women thing like i said also is down to circles you move i am a surveyor and had no problem finding women in the UK and capable of a very good salary the people I hang out with are an IT consultant who’s moving base to Singapore currently his lawyer friend who’s just gone back to Ethiopia and a guy who’s main ventures are web development. 2 single and 2 married guys generally not on the internet and generally won’t respond to posts like this although we discuss them in person.

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