Hard days and good days

Today is a hard day its over 5 months since ive been home and really starting to feel it. Its odd with my surroundings as it all seems distant ive made new friends and my work has been going well although sometimes a bit more complicated than it should be. But its hard not having that touch of being able to hug up with my wife at night. These things ive found affect me more since I met April as we seem to have a connection that I havent felt before in life and the fact if we arent in touch with each other for a few hours we start to worry about the other. May sound obsessive but its not ill thoughts its just the wanting to be together again. It doesnt help that im ill again today and its without a doubt the Morrisons supermarket canteen in Norwich. I was ill a few weeks back with Scampi and today with fish. Thing is its near the office which is why I use it. Today is also the day when realisation that im soon to head home and I have now hit that stumbling block called no mans land. Which is still a few months away from leaving but have now done the majority of months. Im hoping work is going to last long enough to reach my goals as it will make life so much easier next year. Its a nice enough job but simply its not viable with the salary scale and my life has become so complex I dont think it would benefit me or April for us to be here. We have family commitments both in the UK and the Philippines which sort of pulls me in two directions and I really dont want that happening to April if someone got sick and being unable to leave the UK to head back. Our plans are going near schedule although seem around 8 – 10 months behind but I do set the goals pretty high in comparison to most people but then again as a child I would try to run fast enough to see if it was possible to run on water which is pretty much how my life has always been. Running before walking somethings go wrong but I always seem to pull through and come out the other side on top.

But today is a realization day where I re-evaluate everything so that things can progress at pace. I wouldnt advise anyone else to do it as it can be quite destructive. But for me its the way I am and its good to have a wife who accepts that. Which in turn makes me lighten up a bit to the fact we are a family and not a business unit although the five year plan is still the way forward to keep us on track although the flexibility of family does change the route some what, although I wouldnt want it any other way as the life we are leading is one that we enjoy when we can and the future looks brighter every day. Although I will always have underlying worries of being able to secure a future for our children until I have reached that goal.