Finding the right woman in the Philippines for marriage

I hear so often about how bad guys have life in the Philippines or when they take their partner abroad that all things change. But I often wonder is it really the girls fault? I have seen women change when the constant flow of cash buys into the “foreigners are rich” and the guy just lets the girl use and abuse at the same time is it the girls fault as often they don’t realise where the money is coming from and often aren’t used to dealing with financial planning or even financial restraint and control. Top that with a lot of the guys enjoying the Bikini bar scene then complaining their partner rips them off or isn’t happy. I know the first thing many of the guys will say is “this is the Philippines” which is an excuse. Would you take a prostitute to meet your relatives and say by the way this is a girl I picked up in a bar and I pay her for sex ? I doubt it. The same can be said for picking girls up in Bikini bars, I can think of many situations where guys have ended up in the bars because of friends being single or that way inclined but at the same time doesn’t mean you have to enjoy the pleasures of such places. Especially if you know your partner doesn’t appreciate it.

Also there is the issue where a lot of the guys marry/meet girls from lower class backgrounds who are also a lot younger which may not seem a problem short term but the education and age gap will appear over time especially if she already had an existing boyfriend before you met. The “what if” sneaks in above all the jewellery and fake Prada and wanting your wealth as well as the guy half your age. Also moving back to your home country creates even bigger issues which are magnified with the mixed marriage and age gap.

So what is my answer? Well to meeting the right girl or one that is more likely to be responsible and take care of you.. The first thing I would say is are you responsible and likely to take good care of the woman. As at the end of the day its a partnership going in any less than 100% will always create problems and at some point an ending to something that could otherwise work out. I was recently having dinner with my wife and some of her classmates who were discussing finding good guys. Funny thing is they are well educated, have their own incomes and are generally the bread winner in their family (parents and siblings). But at the same time they don’t want just a guy that is unable to meet basic needs like being sober in the morning. They want a life, they have had a grim reality check here where life feels unfair to them as they have worked hard, supported family. Looked for the right Filipino guy to find out the guy has cheated on them and in some cases fiddled them out of a planned future including already buying a house. These are woman who are responsible and know what they expect in life and at the same time can offer a great future for their future partner. Problem is they just struggle to find the right guy online which is why they were asking how do they meet good guys? As they often come across the “show your breasts” or some other perverts online or in some cases the sites they look for guys prohibit Filipino’s because the reputation of scamming is so high.

The weights are stacked against them yet at the same time I hear friends in the UK saying the same thing they can’t meet the right woman. Although you are probably thinking these guys should get on a flight. Most of them won’t come to the Philippines as they read about the kidnappings and beheadings as well as previous bombings in Manila they see the Philippines more inline with Iraq than tropical islands of pleasant happy people and the opportunity to meet the women of their dreams. Funny thing is I know if both groups of people met they would both be very happy. The guys in the UK have been butchered with divorces and child maintenance. They know what they want out of life and the same goes for the Filipina’s the hard part is they will probably never meet. The reality of things are that there is no shortage of real women here just real men.

7 comments for “Finding the right woman in the Philippines for marriage

  1. Tropicalpenpals
    July 3, 2010 at 7:50 am

    Rene your right on the money it comes down to a lot of the locations the foreigners meet women. Which ties into the education side of things as no doubt the majority of girls working in the bars are uneducated due to the cost of good education and mainly from provincial backgrounds. A receipe for disaster when so many of the girls are mentally and physically damaged then someone who thinks of them differently would often find the girl turn on them. Its a complex problem but at the same time I do often why people think they can find “love” in a few days.

  2. Tropicalpenpals
    July 3, 2010 at 7:50 am

    Hi Velly, Im not saying its the womans fault its a part debate post to open it up for conversation. The fact of the matter its both people that enter into a marriage. But I think the “negative” publicity that Filipina's get abroad is excessive as you will find thousands of things about Filipina's stealing from husbands etc. But how often do you hear about the battered wife? The woman that spent her life married to a drunk? These things don't get a lot of publicity and im not sure if its down to the women being very reserved or that the guys tend to complain more especially online.

  3. Rene Reroma
    July 3, 2010 at 7:48 am

    The tragedy of marriage is because many entered into it because of lust – not because of Love. Lust ends, Love endures. Can a British love a Filipina? WHY NOT?

  4. Velly Unabia-Bucirka
    July 3, 2010 at 7:49 am

    It depends what kind of a woman?like in my case i know my husband in 4 days and we get married in 30th yr.until he died got two childrens,yes it was new,good,and bad especially in foreign place,you always put in your mind this guy came to get a good woman.But Matt you say if its really woman fault? its should be vice versa,we call it 50/50 in married if one is fire the other be water,for me i can say im lucky he provide all i need.

  5. Rene Reroma
    July 3, 2010 at 7:49 am

    Vel, your man was alright because he found/got his woman (you) from the right place – from among the nuns. The problem with some of these foreigners is that they look for their woman in the wrong place like Bikini Bars. That's trouble. Not even we locals who is searching for a wife would go to such a place.

  6. Tinworth69
    July 3, 2010 at 10:31 am

    You have to ask yourself ‘am I the right guy for marriage to a Filipina’.

    Though as you say there are guys in the UK who are looking for the right woman, it is not always as simple that these guys have what it takes to be a suitable husband to an Asian wife.

    Having met my wife through a friend who worked there I was lucky that I met local people only when I was just 24 and she was 23 and neither of us having been married before was very unusual then in 1979 and still is pretty much now in 2010.
    We find the trait you need is to be easy going, patient and willing to learn, this is certainly how we are but in a general sense Western men lack patience and more so when they are older as they become fixed over time and are unable to adapt to new ideas or ways of doing things in life.
    We have found that divorced men have a tendency to be tight with their money due to previous history and as such may not treat their prospective girlfriend/wife the same as when they were first married, it can taint the next relationship, more so with a Filipina who may be innocent of the ways of the world and wonders why her husband treats her so. Again this is a generalization born on the many we have met over the years, this is not always the case for all.

    We have known some Filipina’s who were out and out party girls who seemed to have decent husbands but next thing you know they have left, itchy bum the wife say’s but these girls tend to be un-educated and as such fall back to old ways…
    The Filipina is without a doubt a supreme home maker but she is a very loving person who needs to be loved but as my wife also says there are not many good men out there whether Filipino or Western and society is changing where it may become harder to find that man.

    The majority of our friends in a mixed Filipina / Western relationship are very successful and with a settled life, there is the odd one you hear where it goes wrong but in the main that is unusual amongst the many people we know.
    So how does a man find the right woman for marriage, not sure if there is a right way but certainly you have to approach women in the Philippines a lot different than you would in the UK.
    The chances of meeting a suitable woman in a bikini bar are remote but again you cannot write off a woman who does work in one to survive, problem for a man is will she stop doing this work if she was to become my girlfriend …you need to get your head around that one.

    In general people do not like such age gaps between the man and the woman in the Philippines because it is always perceived that he has just used money to get the woman and she in turn is only attracted to his money, it may not be the case but people are very critical on this.
    When meeting a Filipina for the first time she may have a chaperone with her who is possibly her brother, sister or even mother as in the case of a friend of mine many years ago.

    Slowly, slowly is the name of the game, if you are serious about meeting someone be prepared to meet the family as well, this will also depend on how the woman feels whether it is a good idea to introduce you or not she may be embarrassed and stays clear for a while until she feels the time is right…

    Even if you had a girlfriend this is only the beginning of the possible problems yet to surface, where do I want to live, here or back in the UK, could I actually live here where the contrast of life is vast, chaos is normal, would my girlfriend adapt to a western way of life being isolated from all that she knows, what would she do there to keep her busy. It goes on and on, not so easy to deal with.

    The other issue is; are you financially sound, no good finding a wife if you don’t have the means to live decently in the UK or Philippines.
    When all is said and done an empty pocket makes for a difficult life, even for a Filipina who had to struggle for most of her life, may find it even harder in the West where you have to pay to even keep warm!

    Everybody has their own story and set of circumstances to how it will be for them, no matter the advice given, life is about experiencing and as such as humans we always find out the hard way for better or worse.
    For all those men out there I came here when hardly a person had even heard of the Philippines in the UK. Since those early years I have been blessed to have met my soul partner from the very beginning, we have grown together in all that we have done.

  7. Tropicalpenpals
    July 3, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    Great response good to find someone who writes as much as I do as well..

    Your responses are all very valid ones and to be honest I think most people over look a lot of the things you stated. Its why I have also started writing more “who says you have to get married?” because the number of people I know who have married very quickly and often I look at their marriages and thinking I am not sure they are going to go the distance. Not being harsh but in reality the education levels are so different and often the girl is nieve on what the guy can bring to the table topped with the streets paved with gold mentality on the West. Then from the guys side they often haven't thought anything through properly. Myself I can honestly say my marriage is a valid one and like all marriages there are moments where you have headaches but there has never been a doubt in our actual marriage and being together. We work through the problems. The other factor I took into account is April coming to the UK as often people assume she would go there but before we got married I explained the harsh realities of the UK as well as the fact I work nationally so normally only back at weekends and I see my daughter on Saturdays so that would mean being home one day a week.. Or we could work at building things in the Philippines and I would just go back to the UK from time to time when we need funding for a new project. Its worked well because April hasn't been separated from her family n fact she is probably closer now with her parents since before she was working full-time where now we are at each others houses everyday. Its all about communication and also pushing the questions of what your partner really wants out of life. Because most Filipina's I know won't give you the full picture and its only by spending time and trying to work out what the loves of your partner that you can understand them more. As regards the bar girls nobody ever asks why the guy was in the bars in the first place as someone who is a regular of the bars is just as likely to be a risk of cheating as the girl. Time and communication I think are the real factors as well as being realistic if your marrying a girl just because she is beautiful and she said Yes then there can't be complaints later when she doesn't cook or do housework because you never asked..