Finding happiness in a sea of despair

The amount of times I have heard how people have come to the Philippines after marriages have gone sour. The courts then go all out to take as much as possible as generally the kids go with the mother so should the wealth right? But does anyone think of how the guys that are left and seen as “they will be fine” get on in life. Several of my friends have been through the hard parts of dealing with divorce and the tight controls the court and their ex’s have on their wallet and their children, leaving them to reside in a room (bed spacer) instead of their once 3 – 4 bedroom house they ploughed their 20 years of work into. The guys I know have pretty much lost that spark in them they go from day to day looking for the small things to give them happiness instead of looking to build a future. Part of this is down to the fact if they get a better job no doubt the court system will re-evaluate their income so their ex partner can take even more from them. Their cycle of life is pretty much left to work and the 4 walls of their room except for waiting for Saturday to come when they can see their kids for a few hours.

Big question is not why they let it happen to themselves as often its unavoidable but more the fact why don’t they fight it? Why let the life be sucked out of you? Why let people dictate that you are nothing more than a means to an end and a cog in the wheel?

This is where the Philippines comes in as its out of the reach of courts and out of the reach of the ex. There is no reason for your ex to know where you are and no way the courts can grab hold of your pay. Now I can hear a shock horror coming from some saying they have responsibilities they should pay their dues.. guess what.. they shouldn’t have to work in a system that works against them at every opportunity. The Philippines offers them a wild card to escape and should take it. Its the last life line they can make. Its the opportunity that will let them start building a new life today knowing they are away from the past and the new future starts today. There is nothing morally wrong with it as simply its about being able to provide. If they build up their income abroad as they are given space of freedom and ability to develop it will provide a better future than bleeding the guy dry in the UK. I have heard from peoples mouths abroad “its my right!” which comes in reference to money to be taken from the guys. Yet its ok for the ex to skip a few weekends when it comes to seeing the kids because they are going on holiday or its a kids birthday but a late payment is a real issue. The system won’t wake up people need to. Fairness is gone its a biast sick system that prays on those who will and do work at the expense of keeping many of these ex’s in a comfortable state while at the same time they are able to lounge around in the old family home. Life is about rewarding people have earned it not the parasites that hold us all back. If you think this article is relevant to you I would strongly advise assessing what you can do to get out of the UK to a new future. I looked at my life before although I had a great salary and job I wasn’t prepared to settle roots in the UK after 2 bad relationships in the last 20 years as simply I had already lost more than enough. At the same time I don’t want my kids seeing me as the abandoning parent or washed up tied to a court or ex’s whims.. The Philippines cuts the crap and cuts you free. In reality I can build a real future for my kids and in a country that can offer a lot of opportunity if worked right.

Society may have forgotten us but it doesn’t mean we have to comply to a system that abuses us. There are always exits and always ways to make life better. Key to it all is being able to find your way out into a new life and new future. You will get the comments about having a trophy wife or giving up on your family. Truth of the matter is though it comes down to people being jealous. You live in the tropics, you have a beautiful wife and can live on a small portion of what you needed compared to the UK but at the same time can develop into a mini empire if you learn to work within the Philippines systems. Who is the fool? the ones that listen to the people saying it or those who have taken the leap to a new life and can look back and say I really don’t care what others think?

12 comments for “Finding happiness in a sea of despair

  1. David allan
    July 6, 2010 at 6:11 am

    Nice piece,but you could also cover the cost of living ,mortgages travel expenses. back in the 80`s my wife and i decided to move out here partly because we rarely had time for ourselves ,she worked days and i worked nights.We lived in Gillingham and commuted to london everyday,finally what made up our minds was when an Indian Doctor caused my wife to have a miscarriage.We have lived here ever since.

  2. David allan
    July 6, 2010 at 6:11 am

    Nice piece,but you could also cover the cost of living ,mortgages travel expenses. back in the 80`s my wife and i decided to move out here partly because we rarely had time for ourselves ,she worked days and i worked nights.We lived in Gillingham and commuted to london everyday,finally what made up our minds was when an Indian Doctor caused my wife to have a miscarriage.We have lived here ever since.

  3. David allan
    July 6, 2010 at 6:11 am

    Nice piece,but you could also cover the cost of living ,mortgages travel expenses. back in the 80`s my wife and i decided to move out here partly because we rarely had time for ourselves ,she worked days and i worked nights.We lived in Gillingham and commuted to london everyday,finally what made up our minds was when an Indian Doctor caused my wife to have a miscarriage.We have lived here ever since.

  4. David allan
    July 6, 2010 at 6:11 am

    Nice piece,but you could also cover the cost of living ,mortgages travel expenses. back in the 80`s my wife and i decided to move out here partly because we rarely had time for ourselves ,she worked days and i worked nights.We lived in Gillingham and commuted to london everyday,finally what made up our minds was when an Indian Doctor caused my wife to have a miscarriage.We have lived here ever since.

  5. David allan
    July 6, 2010 at 6:11 am

    Nice piece,but you could also cover the cost of living ,mortgages travel expenses. back in the 80`s my wife and i decided to move out here partly because we rarely had time for ourselves ,she worked days and i worked nights.We lived in Gillingham and commuted to london everyday,finally what made up our minds was when an Indian Doctor caused my wife to have a miscarriage.We have lived here ever since.

  6. David allan
    July 6, 2010 at 6:11 am

    Nice piece,but you could also cover the cost of living ,mortgages travel expenses. back in the 80`s my wife and i decided to move out here partly because we rarely had time for ourselves ,she worked days and i worked nights.We lived in Gillingham and commuted to london everyday,finally what made up our minds was when an Indian Doctor caused my wife to have a miscarriage.We have lived here ever since.

  7. David allan
    July 6, 2010 at 6:11 am

    Nice piece,but you could also cover the cost of living ,mortgages travel expenses. back in the 80`s my wife and i decided to move out here partly because we rarely had time for ourselves ,she worked days and i worked nights.We lived in Gillingham and commuted to london everyday,finally what made up our minds was when an Indian Doctor caused my wife to have a miscarriage.We have lived here ever since.

  8. David allan
    July 6, 2010 at 6:11 am

    Nice piece,but you could also cover the cost of living ,mortgages travel expenses. back in the 80`s my wife and i decided to move out here partly because we rarely had time for ourselves ,she worked days and i worked nights.We lived in Gillingham and commuted to london everyday,finally what made up our minds was when an Indian Doctor caused my wife to have a miscarriage.We have lived here ever since.

  9. David allan
    July 6, 2010 at 6:11 am

    Nice piece,but you could also cover the cost of living ,mortgages travel expenses. back in the 80`s my wife and i decided to move out here partly because we rarely had time for ourselves ,she worked days and i worked nights.We lived in Gillingham and commuted to london everyday,finally what made up our minds was when an Indian Doctor caused my wife to have a miscarriage.We have lived here ever since.

  10. Tropicalpenpals
    July 6, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    Hi David,
    you made some very valid points about as a couple and the comparisons of what life can offer with a bit of thought and working out. The 25 year slave to the mortgage is a prime example of why life here is always going to work out better just on stress levels if nothing else. I will write a second article from your view point 😉 as its something I haven't covered before purely because most of the guys I know here came alone and then settled. Although have met a growing number of expats who are retiring here gradually who are getting out of the UK due to costs of living.
    Thanks for your post response look forward to seeing more 🙂

  11. Tropicalpenpals
    July 6, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    That is one of the most important things here in the Philippines is that it doesn't single out specifics. It doesn't look for someone from an ethnic background to give them extra help. It isn't looking at the “rights of a mother” or the right to be unemployed and living off others. It looks at the fact you have to provide for yourself and family yourself. It looks at the fact because the tax burden is reduced in comparison to the UK its flexibility gives space to develop ventures and grow. The UK lost its direction decades ago and its walls keep crumbling and then abusing the businesses and tax payers there to keep it alive. The Philippines (from a foreign point of view) offers a free market place with its mistakes and problems that affect all its not Utopia but more the fact you can work the system to a better life if you can gain the financial freedom ahead of others. Where the UK penalises people for getting ahead.

  12. Andrew_wearing_well
    July 6, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    I post Matt, I agree the uk divorced man is the forgoten victim that doesnt have a voice and is never given a fare deal. I too had similar experiances in the uk and i guess in the end got fed up of making everyone esles life better except my own so i gave it up. Personaly if i have a son in the uk i would tell him never get married in the uk and necvwer have kids once you do either of these things you are screwed for life. If you want a better deal move to asia were guys are given a fare crack. The system here is not perfect fare from it in fact but its the same for everyone nort just one group!