Ive always been a strong believer in doing things today rather than tomorrow but then things happen where you make sacrifices for life.
Career, family, extra taxes and suddenly your getting old.
You may think that life has or is passing you by but doing it today instead of putting off for tomorrow will make things happen. Why? because doing things like paperwork even when tired gives you an hour tomorrow. Or doing your shopping at 11pm in a 24hrs supermarket not only saves time but i find it relaxing because the stores are generally empty. Speeding up the motorway gets you quicker to work or where your going but is the extra stress and chance of getting a speeding ticket worth it? I know a lot of the time we are all good drivers. But i see crashes daily due to the amount of travelling I do
and if you asked any of those drivers are they good drivers? what do you think the answer would be. Your life is too precious to waste on trying to save 5 minutes off your journey time.
I would be the first to admit i used to do it, my life was very different then. I spent most of my time irritable and working long hours where possible. So what changed?
The biggest issues in my life were my ex and work. Although I worked hard the goal posts of where we wanted our lives to go constantly moved further away and eventually in seperate directions.
This is where the importance of knowing your partner from day one is
important. Its easier to get things wrong than it is right. She wanted a life that involved working part-time and having horses.
Me i wanted to travel, have a nice car, house and build businesses
point was it was doomed from day one. 11 years of more arguments than i care to remember, but there were many good times. But it was a future that couldnt last because if we had been realistic from day one we would have known we could never have made it work and just been friends instead.
May sound a bit odd.. But if youve ever tried working 16-18hrs a day and going home to cooking your own dinner or eating take out because your partner is round her parents and is waiting for you to call her on the phone to let you know your home (because she doesnt like an empty house). There are many issues but its not my time or place to complain. We were just simply incompatible. BUT this is where my life changed.
My mother wanted to visit a relative in Scotland who i hadnt seen since i was a child. So i thought good time to visit i will drive my mother (we are an ex-military family so didnt get to see many members of family for years). So having a company vehicle and free fuel we took the 6hrs journey to Scotland.
I got to meet a few members of family who made the journey to come and see us and looked back on reflection of where my life came from
and the complex people im related to, many issues came out after a few drinks the attempted suicide of a family member involving a cooker and an 18th birthday and my mother started spouting lies about my father. How she wanted a divorce because of not being happy and that my father wouldnt let her have half the assets and how he miss treated her.
The truth was far from this picture. My father works hard for what he has and spends most of his time fishing, not because of any other
issue except to be out of the family home. He doesnt like it there and the same can be said for me and my sister. My mother created this world where she creates stories about people to make her seem a saint or to have an interesting topic to tell someone. Which in most are just lies and opinions created by herself. Most of the neighbours in the past had conflicts with her which created problems for other members of family. Generally i seperated myself years ago and never had any problems with anyone. If a neighbour had an issue they would ask me directly as they knew i would compromise and be approachable.
Getting back to the point.. I listened to my mother spouting these lies and for the first time thought its unfair and defending my father normaly the crowd are aware of the lies but this is family and her brothers and sisters at that. So the first thing was about she couldnt leave wouldnt get half the house.. my reply being he would give you the whole house just to get rid of you. Which i then recieved a few “shouldnt talk to your mother like that” and other things. Point being my dad had given his life up to make this woman happy. She never worked a full day in her life. Had a nice home that she rarely done any housework in, she lied about everyone around her and many private things she shared with the milk man and anyone else she seemed to bump into. This was a real issue for me because one of
my brothers went through a mental breakdown recently. What happens when he recovers, ever person in the area knows he had this breakdown and will never be seen as the person he was again.
My father is a shadow of the guy he used to be in the military. Someone who was proud of who he was, what he was doing and family orintated. Now he spends the least amount of time with his family as possible. Works in a job he hates and my mothers manuipulation on my brothers to make a scene for getting the smallest things done to create an issue has lead to the family home more fit for pigs than humans. A home my father paid all his money into and ends up with a wife wanting to strip his assets. Reflection on this was a major deciding point in making a change for the future.
The other was i was sat talking to my uncle David who now has MS
and we were just generally chatting away, i cant remember what brought the topic up but the answer stayed with me as he said “this is your life. There are no re-runs or rewinds. You only live it once”. That was the moment that changed my life for good.
After that time i looked at everything i do and see what its real
value is and what i wanted to do with my life. Spending my life trying to rescue a relationship that had been doomed from day one it
was time to call it a day in the hope that a future would rebuild friendship and my daughter Nicole would no longer see arguments.
My career path changed as i did. Not out of making decisions but
due to a changed mental state, which lead me to be more relaxed athough still carrying out work and a dedication to what i was doing
has rewarded me with some great work. Ive moved from hands on to senior management and mainly down to having a positive approach to everything. It is easier to be negative but finding a path to a solution is time consuming and often tiresome. But the rewards are greater.
Im happy, i dont remember the last time i felt stressed about something and can only think of one time ive been annoyed recently
and even that sided away with finding a postive approach to the issue.
Putting things off to tomorrow will not only make you unhappy but
you may never reach your goals in life. Its not selfish to want a few things for yourself and if you cant get the support from the people around you and in a lot of cases they create more obstucles in your way than help, then maybe you need to re-evaluate who you are and where you want to be.
I have 2 wonderful daughters, an amazing beautiful wife. A job at 34 that if you see adverts for they request 30yrs experience well ahead of the game. A house starting to be built. A future a few years ago that never existed but now i have reached what it means to
be content and I hope you do to sometime soon.