Confusion on marrying a Filipina

I’ve noticed strange things over the last couple of years and most recently the last few days. Some of the guys who get married to women from the Philippines are not always the most handsome of the bunch or passing a few extra miles on the clock and suddenly get a complex. Why does this beautiful woman want to marry me ? She will look for another guy as soon as I take her to my home country and a lot of other narrow thoughts.

Truth is the majority of women I have met are happily married (big surprise??) its nothing to do with the age, the bulging stomach or the bald patch in the middle of the head that is going to turn a wife away from the marriage generally there is only a few things that can destroy the marriage. Wives being beaten by husbands (Filipinas are one of the worst minority groups on this planet affected by this), Over protective husband who becomes obsessive and controlling, Western or westernised women changing the way your wife is which can easily be done if your wife is very naive in understanding western cultures and finally a bad wife.

Now for the bad wife it is normally the fact she is affected by outside elements but I have yet to know anyone who can really say they’re wife left them as soon as she could once her visa was available there is normally a mix of reasons that has happened but you will never hear the truth as there is always 3 sides to any argument. His,hers and the truth. But one thing I will say for the majority of women I have met they are mainly honest,hardworking and a marriage means the world to them. Because the Philippines culture is based round the traditional family unit.

I did have the misfortune to meet one of the spoilt brats of Philippines society who believed she was something special because its the way she was brought up here but I can guarantee she had a wake up call when she headed off to the U.S. to wipe old men’s butts in a hospital ward. Why was she a nurse even though the family are wealthy? Because its about the visa currently they don’t have anyone in the U.S. and needed someone to pave the way for the other siblings. But anyway that’s another story.

Locking your wife away and not letting her work in a home country is likely to not only cause money problems and arguments but your wife will feel helpless and that she isn’t contributing to the family. Bearing in mind you are “part” of the family she is likely to have parents and siblings that culturally will need a hand out every month (which personally i think business development is the way forward if you can get a key member of family to manage it).

Either way your wife needs independence to put food on your table aswell as her family back home. When I worked as a carpenter back in the UK I used to work in factories for the winter as I didn’t fancy getting the arthritis that now affects many of my fellow work mates. But although I didn’t always need to work I ended up doing jobs to keep busy and one of those was a cake factory not far from my parents home. I used to work there part-time and at the same time a fellow worker was from the Philippines (before I had come here) and we discussed life and she explained her life. She worked an eight hour day shift which was money for the house and her children as she said it was unfair to expect her husband to pay for everything. In the evenings she worked alongside me 6 hours a night and that was the money she sent home. She was no spring chicken and already in her late 40s early 50s yet still supporting her family. But she also explained to me that on her last visit she was annoyed with her relatives who had told her the roof badly needed repairs on the house to find out that although she had sent the budget on arrival nothing had been done but all the money had gone. One thing I will say about that scenario is its very common in the Philippines for family to abuse OFWs remittances. IF you get the chance and can find it look for a documentary series “Bloody Foreigners” which is to do with immigrants into the UK and the “Real lives of the people”. One episode shows people from the Philippines and how hard life really for some of them. One of the people in the documentary is a cleaner and basically lives in a cupboard with no door lock in central London making £300 a week by doing lots of cleaning jobs. She sends the majority of money back to the Philippines and after illness and a lot of other things happening in the Philippines she was forced to max up her Visa card aswell as every other means of cash and ends up going bankrupt on the TV show. But even then her husband is phoning up from the Philippines and as she says “he is asking for money.. not wishing me luck for my court case today”. Another one of the people filmed had given up sending money because it was abused and now only does a Balikbayan box with gifts as she knows it will be used and not abused. So the family problems is something you have to be aware of but also the fact you cant always solve them.

Another thing I recently discovered is not the fact that women get westernised in the West but the fact a lot of the guys are just lazy. Its ok in the Philippines to be pampered by your wife and a lot of people assume it will stay the same in the UK or U.S. but a 8 – 12 hrs day your wife needs looking after as much as you do so do it.. I was in a relationship in the UK for years which was with an English woman where I would take my daughter to school (leaving early) pick her up most nights (from a friends house who had 3 kids at the same school)  and then get home and cook dinner my girlfriend at the time couldn’t cook or should I say didn’t want to learn to cook and she also only worked part-time. What is my point to this ? Well the fact was the more I gave the more that was taken to the point one day I took a bag of clothes and left. You treat your wife the same someday you will get the same result and don’t blame your wife for being a Filipina.. the problem is you.

So what would I advise for anyone getting married don’t fall for a woman you aren’t 100% prepared to spend the rest of your life with. You have doubt you will also create doubt in her.

Love one another for who you both are.. cut all the bull about being rich and part of the Coca Cola family, your fiancée will marry you for who you are if your a postal worker,factory worker or any other job because she is marrying you so don’t spin a yarn that will not only embarrass you but in the future your new partner will come down with a bump and reality check will soon tell her you lie and cant be trusted.

Don’t spoil but pamper.. One thing I notice is most women here don’t want anything fancy if they do I can tell you are already getting in deep water. Its the simple things in life and the spending time together that are important the rest is materialistic and a waste of time and money. Better to let your fiancée have her nails done, a massage or haircut than sticking gold on her fingers or neck. Its the small things that are appreciated the most.

Communicate properly, a big problem regardless of who is married to who or what nationality is a breakdown in communications. Always keep things straight talking. If your partner doesn’t like you going out to bars late at night because she worries all night until you get home invite your friends round to the house. Sounds crazy?? Well funny enough your wife is happy if your home because she knows your safe.. if your roaming around Cebu at 2am for example she is lay in bed half awake imagining you in a pool of blood with your wallet stolen. Personally I disappear now and again but its getting more rare as there are too many people not sleeping at night if I am out and the last time involved PNP getting my stolen money back from a drug dealer and a few other things.. So the pool of blood scenario could have easily happened and I could say it wouldn’t but that’s normally when some crazy person would do a stupid thing. So the point is keep talking.. keep listening and if something annoys you say so. If your wife keeps thin
gs from you explain to her this is a marriage and this is the main family unit relatives are second. Now a lot of people are going to disagree with me on that but that’s because you have let that happen. From day one I made my wife my first priority and made April aware of that fact. Which is why she has done the same aswell as the fact I take care of April,Zoei and help out with creating incomes for Aprils parents. I take on the role that a lot of others find they’re wife having to do. Why? Because I want to and I’m still young enough to afford to help ideas develop by pushing a bit of cash flow. Long term the ideas are developing and there will be no need for more money to be input as the cash generation will already be regular incomes aswell as setting up a 10% emergency fund for medical emergencies etc.

Value yourself.. a lot of the problems created are by people having low self esteem aswell as insecurities. Your wife is with you for you.. and Asian women prefer strong males because of the culture not physically but mentally and the ability to support your family. Now this is something I know makes me prosper because if I have a good home life I have good work life because I’m generally happier and will go the extra mile. But if you are arguing regularly and going to work with the thoughts still in your mind you are bringing it to work. The same can also be said about work though.. which is why I choose my jobs carefully as I will work hard but I’m not about to be messed around or crapped on because a superior manager does have a crap home life. Simply I would just change jobs life is only lived once and this is it.. enjoy it love it.

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