Becoming outcast

With the recent on goings and my blog entries regarding not only issues within our extended family but also in general it seems to have opened up some floodgates. I have received emails, messages and more importantly not one person has disagreed with things if anything it has been reinstated “we have the same problems!”. There is something else I haven’t covered which is the belief that if you don’t offload your cash or help out relatives for the broken tricycle, sick relative, education, roof leaks etc. You are quickly branded as thrifty and for a partner who is Filipino they are seen as lost to their relatives because she/he has forgotten where they have come from and now they are with a rich foreigner or rich as an OFW they don’t value their family life. Which not only is it emotional blackmail its also misguided anger from the relatives. We didn’t break the roof, the tricycle or anything else. We worked for everything we have got and its a stance people should take more on. Because if your relatives are quick to outcast you because your remittance is late because you have been sick that month in the cold weather of UK for example what do they really think of you? It is not you that has forgotten them it is them that have forgotten you! your not a paycheque your not an education debt that they expect to run and run like selling your soul to the devil so that it will never be repaid in their eyes but financially has been paid many times over. They have forgotten their own kin, your an asset a thing to be used and abused. No longer the son, daughter, niece or nephew. Your the food on the table, the insurance policy the retirement fund.. is that what you want to be?

I don’t mind being outcast and I don’t think a lot of other people do either once they get over the Tampo and stamping around by others at the end of the day a “gift is a gift” if its expected its no longer appreciated. I had something happen earlier in the year regarding people inviting themselves to a free night out which I stopped from happening. Not because I am thrifty or didn’t want them there but the fact is people had decided to abuse my friendship and things had moved from the gift of being invited (which I hadn’t done yet!) to expecting to come and eat and drink us out of house and home…

If any of you ever get round to meeting me you will quickly find im easy going but I won’t be abused by others simply because I know it never stops and in many cases gets worse. If people complain after P1 or P1m why give the million ? the result will be the same!

Before anything gets taken out of context here as I know I seem to have received a lot of extra readers lately to do with something else. Family is paramount to everything in our lives here there may be an obsession believing I am a money grabbing westerner but at the end of the day I can earn a huge salary in comparison to what I earn here in Cebu I came here to build a future for family. If anyone knew me back when I first met April I actually came to Cebu and quit my job to be with my wife.. a joke at the time was I chose to get married instead of buying a Porsche because it was being with my wife that was more important to me as I am not materialistic and I would do the same again.. I just think its important to re-evaluate what they think or think they know as things get so distorted over time I am not talking about us here in Cebu mind as everything that did happen is passed. I am talking about anyone who has done wrong or think others have done wrong to them as often there is more anger involved than common sense.

In Philippines culture there is a lot said about keeping face and if people lose it regardless if they are wrong or not the falling outs will run and run. Me personally I can admit when I am wrong same as I will say when im right. If people want to judge me as something else then let it be as I have no face to lose its irrelevant to our life here. There are more important things to be doing.